Expert: Melissa Durazo - 10/14/2009

Question
Hi, I found out that my ex-bf has been two-timing me throughout the 3mths29days that we've been together. He has another long time gf of 17mths. This secret of his was exposed on the day when I happen to be in the same place as that couple. 3 of us quarrelled and he kept telling the girl he loves her and wants to be with her and he's very sorry. He totally ignored me and i was left to feel sorry for myself alone. Worse still, he told me straight in my face that "yes, I was two-timing u.So can u leave now". It hurts so much.

During the 3mths+ period, we did all sorts of couple things and he was nice to me as a bf. Assuring me of his love and says he misses me which totally sounded like he meant it. Because i'm someone who gets paranoid rather easily, he said things like "I don't hook up. I do couple-ly things with my gf only, and that's u". That is y i trusted him, even after i found suspicious things in his room, like hairband and a picture and letter from his most recent "ex"(his 17mths still ongoing long time gf). I told him just admit if he is really cheating but he chose to lie and gave acceptable reasons for the things i found. He told me this "ex" lasted 5mths and she still kept pestering him with msges and calls. She also kept threatening him with suicidial intentions. He told me he has been ignoring him until one day she stop bothering him.
I can't believe he said such things about her. And i can't believe he lied to me w/o battering an eyelid.

On the first day after secret was exposed and i broke up with him, he said all he wants to say was a deep sorry. On the 2nd day after secret was exposed, I called to ask him if there was any moment when we were together, that he meant it when he say "i love u", or had true feelings for me for even a moment, he told me, "i really don't know". I said even a no answer won't hurt me, he still said the same reply.

I can never be with a man who cheats on me, even just once. I know i deserve better that's y i left him. Whereas she chose to stay with him, again, despite this not being the first time he cheats. According to her and to my astonishment, there were many girls before me during their 17mths tog.

All i want to ask u is, do u think he has ever truly love me once? Or was i just a plaything/object in his eyes all the while?

Answer
In all honesty. No, he did not truly love you. Nor, does he even love this other girl he is with. He stays with her only because, she puts up with his crap and she has no self esteem.
I went through the same thing you have been through. In the end, all the guy cares about is himself and no one else. You are a smart girl and you did the right thing by walking away. You do deserve better and you should not have to put up with being humiliated by some jerk who has no consideration towards your feelings.
People like his other gf stay with guys like that because they no self worth. He has convinced them that she can't do any better than him and she will accept that. You on the other hand, won't accept that and that makes you a person who values herself.
Take this experience as a lesson learned and move forward from it. I know it's painful what he did. But, you will survive it and if he continues to come around, don't give him the attention he seeks. Do what makes YOU happy, not him.
My ex still comes around, feeds me lines about how special I was in his life and how he wants me in it as just a friend and then....Disappears without a trace for another 6 months....It's all bull. Never trust a guy who has a long history of lying. Don't get me wrong, people can change. It's just that some people, will never learn and evolve....And, you just got to know how to spot a loser. With this experience, I am sure your eyes will be a little more open to spotting the jerks before you fall for them,again...;)
I hope I have helped you and that I was honest enough for you...
Take care and good luck...
~ M