Expert: Melissa Durazo - 3/4/2009

Question
Hello Melissa,

I am 19 and I am dating a guy who is 26. I have been dating him for like five months so far, but recently I just have these feelings that he might be cheating on me but I don't know what to do about it. When I asked him he always goes ... "babe what kind of question is that?" But he didnt really say yes or no. I have asked him a couple of times if the age difference makes him feel weird.. but he says no. When I am with him he makes me feel like I am the only one... But when I was at his house his cell rang and it was a text from this girl asking him if he wanted to hang out .. he said no that he was busy.. he didnt say he was with me just that he was busy. Then she was like well how about tomorrow... and he didnt write her back. So the next day I was asking him what he was going to do that day. He said he was going to his friends house, so I asked him if it was that girls house and he said yes. Now he didnt lie to me or anything... but who goes to a girls house and they are just friends? Also like a month ago... he told me that he has a daughter. Now I would always ask him to tell me something that nobody knows... and he would say there is nothing.. but then he pulled that. So after that it made it kinda hard to trust him. If he could lie about that what else is he hiding? I don't know... But he also said that when he dated his ex for a year.. he never told her about his daughter.. and he never loved her that she was just something to do at the time...
How can I tell if he likes me? How do I deal with the trust issue? I just don't know what to think anymore..

Answer
Hello Amber,
I can see your concern. Let me tell you something about men. They know from the start whether or not they are going to commit or not to a girl. The fact that he has been pretty honest to you and has even told you about his daughter, implies that he is trusting you with parts of his life that not even his ex of one year was privileged to. It is possible to be friends with the opposite sex. And, unless, he has ever given you a reason to think he was cheating on you, you shouldn't worry or look too much about it.
I understand the shock of finding out about his daughter, but I think, you should see this as a stepping stone to a different level of maturity in your relationship.
If he eludes your question about cheating, it is because men never truly give us the answers we want or at least the way we want to hear them. And, if you keep pressing the question, you may push him away with your insistence. When he answers you with "what kind of question is that?"....Your reply should be more of they way of, " It would make me feel a lot better to know that you can answer my question honestly and put my mind at ease."
If he still gives you the same answer....Let it go for the mean time. Unless, he has given you a good enough reason to think he was cheating, don't push the subject. Trust is a big factor in a relationship. If you can't trust your mate, there is no reason to proceed with the relationship. You can not build your relationship on doubt and second guesses.....
I hope I have helped you, hun.....:)
Take care....
~ M