Expert: Melissa Durazo - 4/29/2009

Question
Good evening,
I have been in a relationship for over two years now. While coming back from the movies, my cell phone buzz with an incoming text message. My girlfriend wanted to check to who was it and I was against it. My girlfriend thinks that checking my text messages in front of me was not sneaking since we are not hiding things. I strongly feel that sneaking is sneaking since it was my phone and I did not feel comfortable with anyone checking my phone. After she and I were trying to grab my phone, she finally released it back to me. Once we got to her home, she told me that she does not trust me. This wasn't the first time she said that or tried to check on my phone while in front. I am at my wits end on saving the relationship. Is it worth saving?

Answer
Well, I don't believe you have the obligation to show her who is calling you on your cell. That is your cell and your phone calls. Unless, you want to share with her, she has no right to your phone calls or text messages. If she is fighting you for the phone every time you get a call or text. That is HER insecurity and that is HER problem not yours. If she can't trust you and you haven't given her a reason not to trust you...Then, she is on her own with her insecurities.
You can't help her with that and what she is actually doing is pushing you away. Noe, if you have given her just cause for her to worry, then, it is expected for her to be all up in arms over who calls you or texts you....But, it doesn't justify the behavior.
Have a serious talk with her. Let her know that her behavior needs to change and if it doesn't, then, you will have no choice but to give this relationship a break.
The relationship can be saved. It's just a matter of her modifying her behavior. She needs be secure about herself. And, she isn't. This maybe stemming from a past relationship she is still comparing to her current relationship. Let her know that unless you have given her a good enough reason to suspect you of being a liar or a cheater.....She needs to cut the crap out and curve the urge to be nosy. There shouldn't be secrets in a relationship, but, there shouldn't be a disrespect in one's privacy, either....
Good luck....I hope i helped a bit...
~ M