Expert: Melissa Durazo - 4/11/2009

Question
Hey Melissa, me and my girlfriend have been going out for over 2 years, the problem is, she recently cheated on me, with her friend, who happened to be her neighbor. I found out about it some few days after her betrayal. I confronted her about it, she admitted to her mistake and we agreed to try work things out. I am now experience a problem with my feelings towards her friend, i just think if i can revenge one day i will feel better. i hate him so much that i at times feel i am going to kill him.

Answer
First and foremost, you need to get to a mental state of calmness. Because, what you just wrote is very serious. You are hurt and angered by the situation. But, what's done is done and you can not change that. I have been where you have been. You want revenge and that is a natural instinct. But,remember, you chose to make things work with your girlfriend, which means, that you may not forget what she did, but, you can not rehash it or bring it up as an excuse to stay angry. Otherwise, all that bitterness and anger will hurt you in the long run.  
We are human, we all make mistakes, and we all wish we could hurt those that have hurt us. But, sometimes, you just need to come to terms with certain situations, find peace and forgiveness and move on. If you can not find it in your heart to forgive her or him, then, you and your girl are not ready to move forward in your relationship. I'm not saying you have to be friends with the guy, but, you just have to take situations like this with a strong sense of control and pride.
Look, I spent 5 years of my life being bitter and angry and trying to get back at my ex and the chick he left me for. But, no matter how many things I thought about to get them back or how much I stayed angry at them, I could never find happiness in everything that was going on around me. I missed out on life. Until I had what you would call an epiphany.....Not only did I have to swallow my pride, I found it in my heart to forgive them and move on.
She hurt you, he invaded you space and your girlfriend, you are pissed off and want revenge. The situation doesn't get more blunt than this.
The guy lives next door to her, there isn't much you can do except patch things up with your girlfriend and rebuild the trust that is broken between you both. As the saying goes, keep your friends close, keep your enemies closer. Don't give him the satisfaction of making you pissed and uncomfortable every time you go see your girl. Rise above that and be the better man. And, if you just can't seem to get passed it, then you and your girl need to call it quits.....
I hope that you don't do anything irrational and I wish you the best in your situation.....
If you need to vent, you can always send me another message. It's better to vent than react.....
Take care....
~ M