AboutMelissa Durazo Expertise I will not help you cheat, so please do not ask me how to. If you are having issues with a cheater or suspect your mate of cheating, then, I can help you deal with the issue.
I may have the answers on how to confront and deal with a cheating man or woman. I can answer questions concerning the physical and mental anguish that a cheating mate can cause. advise how to move on from this type of relationship. Or, advise on how to forgive and work on fulfilling a new start. I can also help in recognizing the signs and lies of a cheater. As well, as how to catch one in the act.
Experience I was in a 10 yr. relationship, in which the last 3 years of it was nothing but lies, cheating & emotional abuse. I almost lost my job, my friends and family because I could not let go of this co-dependent relationship. I went through a life changing experience and I came out realizing that I was stronger than I thought I was. I learned that no one is responsible for my happiness and well being. I also learned, that I will make mistakes, I will fall down, but, in the end, it's how I face the problem that will get me through the day.......
Education/Credentials The school of Life. Life is all the education I have ever needed.
Question My boyfriend (33) and I (26) have been together for about 3 years. He is a very faithful guy never has and I doubt ever would cheat. He is very laid back easy going person who is the life of the party and just every one loves him because he is so nice. Well his ex dumped him about 3 years ago and was already with someone else right away, obviously she was cheating on him.. So in Dec. he had left his email open and I saw she had wrote him a very innocent letter nothing personal saying happy holidays.. He never wrote back and you could tell im pretty sure by the short unpersonal letter they hadn't been talking. I asked him about it and he denied it and said I was crazy he dosen't know what Im talking about. Finaly he did say yea she emailed me I never responded I just didnt tell you b/c I didnt want you to get mad and think something was going on.. Well a few days ago we were sitting at the table in the morning and he gets a text which he read me out loud Im not sure if it was b/c he was caught off gard or really did not know who it was since he does not have her number saved in his phone she had text him amazing weather hope your out at the beach surfing.. Ok now this girl has been with the same guy since they broke up they even moved about 4 hours away together to another city. He didn't know the number so I looked at his phone when he didn't know and blocked it and called and realized it was his ex.. I asked him why she was texting him and he said he didn't even know it was her. He does not want to talk to her and kindof got mad at the situation and saying I dont trust him and I am too jealouse.. Well I called her and asked her nicely what was going on and she just said she wanted to be friends, she never got closure and she wanted to just stay in contact as friends.. I explained he did not want to talk to her and though by ignoring her she would understand that and he didnt want to be mean to her and say leave me alone and I would like it if she would stop. She understood I guess and he knew I called her and said if she did call/text or email her he would tell her she needed to stop but we got into a pretty big fight about it before he finally said that.. I am not sure what I should be doing or how to handel this.. It just makes me think if I was just lucky enough to be there when she text him or happened to see the email that day b/c he accidently left it open or if is happening more then that. His biggest thing in our relationship is he says I dont trust him but I feel like that is b/c when ever we do fight he says "were over" and breaks up then a few min/hours later we are fine.. then these emails/text from ex girl friends even when I see them and instead of telling him I saw them ask he will deny it and lie about it untill I finally say look I saw it.. I have never seen him actually respond to any of these emails or text and by the way it looks they are not personal and I doubt he has but still its the point he hasn't stopped it, is getting mad at me b/c I am upset about it and lies about them..
Answer After reading your email.....I am going to have to agree that he hasn't really given you a reason to mistrust him. He never responded to the emails or the text messages and frankly, the only thing you are doing is pushing him away.
You can play detective or you can trust your instincts.....And, 9 of ten, our instincts a re right. And, I don't suspect of him of cheating.
I would only approve playing detective if the situation was obvious. But, in this case, it isn't and you are going to lose you guy over your insecurity. Until he has given you a good enough reason to call him a cheater, then, I suggest you tone down the paranoia....
If the ex still wants to contact him, it is up to him to put a stop to it. Not you. It sounds harsh, but, it's true. He hasn't responded to her....So, what does that tell you?
Give your guy a break....Show him how secure you are as a woman. And, make him see that he chose a better mate in you.......
This may not be what you want to hear, but, I have been where you are at and there is nothing worst than jealousy in a woman...Just trust your heart.....And, until he has given you just cause to worry, don't stress over it...
Take care & good luck...
~ M
