AboutMelissa Durazo Expertise I will not help you cheat, so please do not ask me how to. If you are having issues with a cheater or suspect your mate of cheating, then, I can help you deal with the issue.
I may have the answers on how to confront and deal with a cheating man or woman. I can answer questions concerning the physical and mental anguish that a cheating mate can cause. advise how to move on from this type of relationship. Or, advise on how to forgive and work on fulfilling a new start. I can also help in recognizing the signs and lies of a cheater. As well, as how to catch one in the act.
Experience I was in a 10 yr. relationship, in which the last 3 years of it was nothing but lies, cheating & emotional abuse. I almost lost my job, my friends and family because I could not let go of this co-dependent relationship. I went through a life changing experience and I came out realizing that I was stronger than I thought I was. I learned that no one is responsible for my happiness and well being. I also learned, that I will make mistakes, I will fall down, but, in the end, it's how I face the problem that will get me through the day.......
Education/Credentials The school of Life. Life is all the education I have ever needed.
Question I'm 20 years into a marriage that was a bad choice to begin with. Over the
course of the marriage the affinity between my wife and I has diminished to
the extent that intimacy is no longer the norm (it has been over 7 months)
and I now sleep separately (for 3 months). From my perspective the lack of
intimacy has spelled the doom of the marriage - for it has always been
lacking. Without the intimacy, I and my wife are simply roommates - or
better yet, she is just another friend who is female - platonic certainly. I
don't need another femaie friend - I need a "girl friend" into whom I can pour
myself. I am at a loss - but I think we have reached the point that separation
is inevitable. Your thoughts would be appreciated --- by the way there has
been no cheating - but I am seriously considering it.
M
Answer First of all, in what way has your marriage been a bad choice to begin with? And, it's taken you 20 years to just realize it?
With out really knowing how your relationship got to this point, it's going to be hard to make an assessment of your problem.
The reason for lack of intimacy could be over various reasons. Have you lost love for your wife and vice-versa? Over the course of all these years did something happen to both of you that would make you both lose interest and respect for each other?
I am a great believer that relationships work 50/50. If there is no mutual respect and admiration for one another, then, it can not work.
People aren't perfect. Feelings never stay the same. But, at the same time, it takes hard work to keep that love moving forward when times change and feelings evolve....
Some people just aren't meant to be together. Some are. Some people stay together out of convenience or because they are afraid to stand on their own merits. Some people attract the same type of negative mates in their life. While others, learn from their past relationship failures and implement those lessons as tools for making a better relationship in the near future......All isn't lost when it comes to relationships. It just takes patience, understanding human nature, respect and above all, not having unrealistic expectations. When we expect too much or not voice our needs and wants. We lose the relationship....
If you and your wife have reached the end of the road and can not evolve together as a couple. Then, you must address it and take action to either save the relationship or end it in a divorce. But, going out and finding a girlfriend before you end this relationship is not going to solve your problem. Just make matters worse.
I always recommend marriage counseling as a good resource in attempting to save the relationship. But, if you are certain it is over....Then, you must take the first steps in accepting it and addressing it to your wife....
I wish you luck....And, I hope I have helped you out a bit.
~ M
