Expert: Melissa Durazo - 5/4/2009

Question
Hi I have been with my boyfriend for two years I am 18 years old. the problem is that i still talk to my ex boyfriend who was my first love. and we both still care about each other. my boyfriend of 2 years right now our relationship is rocky. we both know that our relationship is pretty much over but we avoid it and act like its okay we have even spoke about it before. i am so confused i want to be with him but then i don't i think if he DIDN'T live with me we would probably be over already. its just really hard. i don't want to hurt him but i am confused. it feels like all we do is fight and when we fight he just goes nuts. i feel like i keep finding excuses to stay with him like I'm not strong enough to leave him. but i am so comfortable in the relationship its hard. but my ex the first love treated me like gold and i had never been so happy. but now i just feel like an old married lady and I'm only 18 years old. i have lost all of my friends and I'm not blaming it on him only some of it is his fault. WHAT DO I DO?

Answer
Well, there comes a time when you must take control of your life. And, leaving one man to go back to another is not going to solve your problem. Yes, the past was great, you were happy, but, you were in your teens. It's different when you are a grown woman. And, for starters, being in a relationship which is sucking the life & youth out of you isn't a good start into adult hood.
You need to be strong, starting today. You need to worry about yourself and no one else. You need to take control of your life, before your current man takes control of it for you - and from the sound of it, he already has. No one can bully you into staying in a horrible relationship in which you aren't happy. And, the fact that you have lost all your friends, is a clear sign that the relationship is unhealthy.
You need to start surrounding yourself with friends and family who love you and will support you. And, if your guy goes ballistic, then, you need to take extra measures to protect yourself. You come first above all else. You should in your "selfish" years. Going to college, having a job, traveling with friends, being single and enjoying figuring out what you are suppose to be in life. You need to learn how to be independent, so, that you don't get caught up in a co-dependent relationship.
Never put limits on yourself. Otherwise, you will never get out of that dead end relationship or worse, you are going to keep repeating the same patterns in your life and never grow as a person. Forget about the ex, forget about the 2 year relationship you have right now with a controlling guy....You need to focus your energies on yourself...Start making decisions that will better yourself in the long run.....Be strong. I know you can do it.....
Good luck....
~ M