About Mason Webb Expertise One of the most difficult things to go through is when your partner cheats. I can answer questions regarding the following: How do you take the steps to develop trust again with them. How to tell if she/he is cheating. How to regain trust in the relationship. How to confront a partner that you know is cheating.
Experience Dating Coach and author of 'Attractology Foundations: Principles of Attraction for the Modern Man,' Mason Webb has established himself as an elite dating expert in the art of attraction. Having spent the last six years studying social dynamics, interpersonal communication, seduction, and the science behind creating and keeping relationships, Mason has worked his way up over the last two years as Attractology's Head Dating Coach. His teachings are based on a natural approach to dating and a decorated individual experience to follow. Mason is one of the pioneers to the application of eastern philosophy, and sports intelligence to the dating world. While getting his degree in Psychology from Oregon State University, he managed to receive First Team All-Academic honors for two of his four years, and also played a year professionally with the Vancouver Whitecaps. Having studied under some of the top sports psychologists and life coaches in the world such as Dr. Jerry Lynch, and Dr. Dan Friegang, he uses applied psychology, visualization, affirmations, goal achievement techniques and influential communication to help his clients get the results they want. His unique understanding of social dynamics, coupled with a profound knowledge in mastery, and learning acceleration gives Mason the ability offer a fast, efficient, and unique style of consulting and counseling. As one of the top, emerging, online dating coaches, Mason looks forward to reaching out and touching as many people as he can.
Organizations Head Dating Coach at attractology.com
Publications Author of Attractology Foundations: Principles of Attraction for the Modern Man
Education/Credentials B.S. in Psychology at OSU
Awards and Honors 4-time academic all conference student athlete
Question I am a 19 year old girl and I have been in an on and off relationship with a 20 year old guy for almost 4 years. Last year during the fall semester I had sex with a guy I met on campus, I was 18 then. Me and my guy had been broken up but we would still hang out and have sex. I didn't tell him about it and we ended up making it official again not long after. We broke up in May 2009 again because he said he didn't know if he wanted to be with me, was uncertain about what he wanted, and said he didn't see a future with me so why drag it on any longer. I ended up telling him what happened the year before about having sex with another guy and how I never did it again. It was a mistake. I truly did not do it ever again and I regret it terribly. He was extremely hurt and never thought I was capable of doing such a thing, honestly neither did I. But it happened and I have really learned from my mistake and I realized after the incident how much I really love my guy and can't see myself in a relationship with any other guy but him. He was gone for most of the summer for an internship and we talked a lot and I went to visit him and stuff but he sometimes would bring it up and it bothers me because I just want him to get over it. I promised him that I'd never do anything to hurt him again and I really won't. Now we act as if we are together but officialy aren't and he says he wants to forgive me because he really does love me but is really not over it and that it still hurts him. A little bit about our relationship..this is each others first serious relationship and the reasons why we have broken up before were that I'd break up with him because he would always lie to me and go out to clubs with girls, lie about where he was and with who, didn't show he cared/loved me, and once because of somethings I found out about (not to my extent but I still consider it cheating and we were actually together) I had never done anything to hurt him, until what the incident, he was alwAys the one to hurt me and make me cry. This is a tough time for both of us and I feel like we've both made mistakes and learned from them and I just want us to move on and be happy together. Do you think that could ever happen? What should I do in this situation? I really want him to forgive me and for him to see that I am a good person and have a good heart, that I am in love with him and just made a horrible mistake. Help me please!
Answer Thank you for your concern Casey, and I apologize for taking so long to get back to you, I've been traveling a bit, and just got back.
So let's look first at the facts.
You broke up a year ago in which you slept with one other person while the two of you were not together and prior to this situation, your boyfriend would go out to the club and hang out with other women to make you jealous, and now that he knows that you did sleep with another man, he won't let it go. First, don't beat yourself up about having sex with somebody else. You are young, and you were single. He has no authority over you and this is going to be one of the main topics I want to discuss.
This sounds to me that the man you've been dating enjoys having power and control. This may seem difficult at first to wrap your head around at first, but when a young man or woman goes off and stirs up drama (goes to the club, hangs out with other women, lies) it typically means that they are trying to escape some vulnerabilities that they have by diverting their attention to avenues in which they can feel like they are regaining control. Now that you've come clean about what happened (which is great that you did by the way and I'll talk about this later) and you are coming to him, he has his power.
Is this making any sense?
Certain men have a hard time expressing their vulnerabilities toward women; it makes them feel emasculated and so it's a natural thing for people to do and I see it happen a lot, especially with men around this age.
So this has something to do with him. If I were to imagine this young man, I would say that he's been hurt in past relationships by women, and that he doesn't know how to control this emotion that he gets.
Going backward for a second, it's great that you did come out and tell him what happened because I'm sure that he knows that he hasn't been a great boyfriend to you, whether he wants to admit it or not. This levels the playing field and allows for a clean and fresh slate to begin again.
But how do you begin again when you have this history?
The answer is very very simple: Time and Space. Stop trying to convince him to be in a relationship with you. Go out and enjoy single life, and chances are, if he wants you bad enough, he'll come to you. But from my professional opinion, this young man needs to see that you are a wanted woman, who has options and one that can go on and be happy without him. Right now, he feels like he's got complete control over the steering wheel and you need to change that. One of the best ways to do that (not that games are something that you should base a relationship off of) but you should use his power to your advantage.
Stop calling, go on a casual, friendly coffee date with somebody he knows, if he texts, don't answer. If you can do this for three weeks, I guarantee that if he's at all interested in you, he will come to you. But you need to back off and allow him the space to move in your direction rather than the other way around.
If he doesn't come after you in three weeks, then shoot me an email at mason@attractology.com and we'll go from there. Nothing is ever lost. Especially if there is history like yours.
Hope this helps,
Mason Webb
Lead Dating Coach of attractology.com
