Expert: Mason Webb - 8/19/2009

Question
My bf and i have been dating for almost a year now. about a month ago he was at a party and was drinking a lot. i wasn't there because we live about 3 hours from each other. this other girl that he sort of knows was drinking a lot too i guess and she told him that she thought he was hott and then she started kissing him. he did stop her and told her that he had a gf though. he told me right away the next morning which made me feel a little bit better about the whole thing but it's still bothering me. every time he goes out, all i can imagine is someone kissing him. he said that he would stop drinking when im not there for awhile but i dont know how long that will last. he felt terrible about it and apologized a lot and he really is a good guy but i just can't seem to get over it. i'm worried that i won't be able to trust him again. any suggestions on how to get over this and put it behind me or how to trust him?

Answer
Thank you Lauren for your concern.  You are not alone in this department.

So how do you forgive him and move on.  First off, as hard as this may seem, if you want to continue a relationship with this young man, then you need to make him feel good about coming clean.  You've already made him feel guilty about it, which is a natural emotion that comes with breaking the trust of somebody that you care about.  But now that the two of you have made amends, it's important for you to sit down and have a heart to heart with him.

Let it all out and don't hold it in.  Let him know how hurt you were and still are, but how you still love him and want a relationship.  Then think of some place where the two of you can find resolve.

Maybe by communicating openly, you will create an avenue for him to tackle these issues without running and hiding from there because he's scared of the consequence....

Right now, he needs to feel like you can still care about him, trust him, and actually go on to having a better and more healthy relationship afterward.  That everything happens for a reason and this is only a test, your response to this is entirely up to you.  

You need to decide whether or not you can let him off the hook.  Because he's not going to be a good boyfriend to you if you can't.  He's going to see it in your eyes, in your tone, and feel your distance if this continues.

Hope this helps,
if you have any more questions, email me at mason@attractology.com
Thanks,
Mason Webb
Lead Dating Coach