Expert: Elise - 1/4/2010

Question
I have been dating this guy for 4 months. A girl calls me and tells me that she and he have been together for 3 years and are engaged she even came to my work. I asked him he denied it the other day i got into his email and emailed yet another girl letting her know that he had a girlfriend and she said yeah its her and she emailed him wanting to know why some crazy person was clambing to be his girlfriend yet again he denied it and changed his password. He insist that he loves only me and wants to marry me do i believe him or is he really cheating on me.

Answer
That is tricky. I once had a girl do that to me, not the same instances (coming to my work) But she did try to beat me up at a club and got my phone number. But I had to stop and rationalize. Wait a minute. He took me to his brothers wedding, we spent all valentines together, Halloween, Christmas. Plus the only girl stuff in his house was mine. I did find some pads in his guest room once but he looked genuinely confused when I tossed them at him like a foot ball.  If he had another girl she can't be that important to him - especially to be engaged.

In that scenario he had an ex who was insane and hell bent no ruining everything good in his life. In the end I understood how he could make a girl crazy and it was a big realization. But I know I was never the other woman.


Now, I dated another guy for about 6 months, we only saw each other on weekends he was always using a friends phone so I had to wait for his calls. (I was seeing other people too but he was really cute.... looked like John Leguizamo) One day I got a call and on the other end was this little voice that asked if I had been seeing her husband. She was crying, I gave her some woman-power words and swore I'd never speak to him again. He later called me and swore he didn't know what that was about. But I never spoke to him again.


What I'm trying to say is, you can't ever know if you can really trust the guy. But deep down you can trust your self. I knew with the second guy there was something fishy, when she called I wasn't at all surprised. But with the other ex, It broke my heart when it first happened - because there was no shred of suspicion on my end. It honestly sounds to me like you are suspicious, like there may be more to the story than what he says. Follow your gut on this.


I think if you are brave enough, you should meet to the woman - ask to do lunch. You may find that she is psycho and trust him more, you may find her pretty honest and victimized, and leave him alone. The only thing you've got to loose is your curiosity.


This is how my best friend and I met. I was dating on her boyfriend - she asked me to lunch and we ended up hitting it of - turns out he was a slime ball but had great taste in women :)