Expert: Kate Rosling - 10/22/2010

Question


This email totally fell on my lap... He left his email account not signed out and
thinking it was my email I opened the application and found a series of emails
sent to his ex girlfriend. The most disturbing I will paste below. Basically I'm
31 years old and he is 33, we have been dating for 6 years now. I'm sadden to
see that he has been having a conversations through text and email. I told
him I never had a problem if they were to ever grab a coffee together because
I trusted him whole heartedly. But I feel like he crossed a line... One thread to
an email talked about visiting her @ her new apartment while I was studying
for finals. Here is the email:


Hey you,,
I love that the Woolly Bully song will imortilize my family's name!!! haha
Things have been ok in my world,,I had a scare a couple of weeks ago,, my
grandma had an anuerism in her aorta and had to be helicoptered to phoenix
to have surgery...she wasnt breathing on her own as fast as they would have
liked her to, but she is ok now and recovering at home. I told her to move to
California and we can be roommates... my Mom is in AZ right now with her. Ill
be heading up in a couple of weeks to trade places with my mom.
As far as the song making me think of you Ill be completly honest with you
fishy fisherson,...it kinda goes both ways as far as broken bells and you. You
were the first person, actually the only person that I've sat and listened to the
whole album with. So in that regard yes the band makes me think of you...and
Ive been listening to that album alot, so yeah you pop up in that endless sea
of wonder between my ears every now and then.
I know what you mean about them making you cry in a good way.. This song
especially, I love this song so much. It actually was on that album I was telling
you about. sparkel horse and danger mouse, it was called dark night of the
soul... The original was different and had this odd distortion going on.. I
always thought an acoustic version would be great... again I am right!! haha
but yeah this song really makes me think of you,,me,,us,,then,,now. I guess
like anything it can be interpreted differently...which is really interesting on a
subconcious level. but that's a whole other conversation...haha wow the king
of tangents strikes again!!!
Its funny that I always feel this nervous energy when I see you..and now im
feeling it just emailing you!!! =) strange?
I love you Laura, and will always have this great place in my heart that I hold
that time of you and me, and of course it makes me cry to go there, but at the
same time it brings me joy too.Its a "DEAD HOTEL" obviously because its not
working anymore just occupied by ghosts of you and me then.. And it is so
dream like when I visit that place!! It seems so short and so sureal... like a
dream just these flashes of memories "ONE DAYS FLIGHT". Ok I know that was
redundant. But really it feels like that movie Eternal Sunshine on a Spotless
mind. And sure, at the time everything ended I probably wouldn't have
minded having my memories erased,,but Im glad they werent. And this song
is sentimental to that place in my heart for us,,you,,me,,then,,now.
And it was!!! it was such a natural love!! well for me, for sure... there was
nothing I wouldnt have done for you or us at that time "WHEN A GOOD LIFE
WAS ENOUGH"..its seemed so pure..I look at pictures of us sometimes and I
can see it. I can literally see the love we had and feel it in my chest and can
honestly say that I still have yet to find myself feeling that purity with anyone
else. But this song has its sadness like our relationship did, not to sound EMO
but this song is Hope and Content unsatisfied. Its human nature to question
and want more and something different...and I kinda get what you were
feeling at that time when you would say you get different things from
different people. But that's were the sadness of this song comes into play "A
GOOD LIFE WILL NEVER BE ENOUGH"
And as the ultimate king of "WHAT IF?" I of course think about the what if
with us...and that is the unknown. And sure it could have played out ugly and
maybe have been a different brake up..but I guess in my heart and my mind,
it wouldnt have been...it was natural pure love..."WHEN A GOOD LIFE WAS
ENOUGH"... I dont think that can exist anymore. I honestly think there is that
one true real shot at it. And I hope Im wrong for both of us.. Its like, have you
ever experienced something for the first time and it never seems as good the
second time around.. food, a joke, a movie.. I guess thats what im afraid of.
Im not rulling out love, and Ive felt it again but not to inflate your ego but it
wasnt the same.
Wow ok, I just stopped to take a quick breath...and am contemplating hitting
delete. But I'll send it to you...it feels good to be honest about how I feel and
to get it out. Ok im not going to re-read...just send...sorry for any typo's and
run-ons...and I know I run on.... hahaha..
Hope all is well with life and love, be well Gooner, love ya.


so I called him and confronted him about it and he stated they have not
hooked up and he is not interested in a relationship with her. (especially
because she has a boyfriend already). Anyhow I told him we must break up
but I'm so sad and a lil part of me still wants him in my life. But, I'm not
getting any younger and I don't want to waste any precious time on a liar.
please advise

Answer
Hi Rosa.

Men often start to get bored in a relationship, and look for an outlet to fulfill there desires.  Now, I'm not saying this is your fault, but maybe talk to him about it and ask what needs to be done.  Ask if he wants you or her.  Ask him what you two can do to make the relationship stronger.  He seems like the kind of guy that would be understanding to these questions.  Just tell him how you feel, and see where the discussion leads.