Expert: Kate Rosling - 11/22/2010

Question
I'm a 28 year old male and cheated on my girlfriend with an old college fling.  It was dumb since it was at a college homecoming and the fact I drank all day didn't help.  I know this is not an excuse but it truly is biggest regret I have ever done to my girlfriend of a year and half.  I don't have a drinking problem at all but felt a bit independent after I was hanging out with my friends all day and really didn't have a clear mind. It was stupid I know! However, the guilt tore me apart for the month after asking some of my friends for advice. Some of them told me to keep it a secret if you vouch to never do such a thing. I gave in telling my girlfriend everything since I do see a potential future with her. I seriously had a nervous break down not being able to finish the work day.  It devastated me and well as her to see what kind of pain I did to someone I love.  It's only been a few days since I told her, I even went to church to confess which is something I have never done before. Plus I know it takes time to heel and since we both live together nothing feels the same.  Just need some advice since our relationship wasn't perfect but in deed I was happy with her.

Answer
Hi Dave.

I assume you spilled your guts to her and explained what happened.  Ask her what she wants to do.  Ask her if she can forgive you, or what you can do to gain her trust back.  She seems like she loves you because she hasn't left, so it is worth mending, you will just have to put some work into gaining her trust back.