Expert: Elise - 2/10/2010

Question
Why is he so mean to me when he is the one that cheated and why is he the one making the decision if he wants to try to work this out of if he is going to persue her

Answer
It has to do with power structure and perceived value.
There is noooo nice way to put this. But know what I am saying is common and something you can over come - not something wrong about you.
If you ask 500 people why he does that, 500 people will tell you he doesn't respect you.
That's the easy answer
The real question is why...
A person who truly loves themselves, truly values themselves wouldn't be in the situation. If you truly knew your worth and demanded what you deserve... you would have left at the first red flag without a second thought. We know his  behavior didn't come out of nowhere, we know this was a slow build up.

THIS IS NOT AN INSULT! It is very very very common, so common we could call it human nature.

Adversely, a person who truly loves themselves and truly values themselves wouldn't do what he is doing.
This is what it looks like if you were to spell him out...
1. He hates himself
2. He hurts you to push you away, because it makes him think he must be of value if you put up with it
3. Repeat step 1 and double it because he feels bad for hurting you
4. He hurts you because he can't understand why you would like him when he hates himself
5. This makes you less creditable
6. Double step 1 because he's with a girl thats not creditable
7. He cheats on you because he thinks the new woman is more creditable than you in judging his value
8 Repeat steps 1 though 3
9. now repeat steps 4 through 7 again - only instead of you it's the new girl.

The bottom line, the bottom line to this confusing vicious downward spiral is that he is going to hate whoever he is with because he hates himself.
Why? Because he is sick.
You can't fix someone like that. Really the only way to fix someone like that, who is clearly self destructive and also out to hurt whoever he is with, is to let them experience the loss he is so begging for. He's never stopped this because no one has ever put their foot down.
But in that you can't really have him if you put your foot down. If you forgive him you forgive the behavior.

It's hard to pick up the pieces of your self value after someone like this. But it is for all intents of the word an abusive relationship.
When you can't find strength in yourself find it in others.
You don't have parents who raised you to adult hood, grandparents who cooed over you at birth, and all those people in between wishing you only the best... just so you can go and be abused by someone. If you can't stand up for yourself. Stand up for the people who put so much into you, all that love being rendered as nothing every time he treats you badly. Those people you respect are being disrespected every time he says something nasty to you. If you can't run him off yourself think of your grandpa who would run that piece of shit off with a shotgun and make sure he never came back. Imagine what you would do if someone treated your daughter that way! DEAR YOU ARE SOMEONE'S DAUGHTER! Get insulted already! Go find the kind of love the poets write about and forget him.