Expert: Elise - 3/31/2010

Question
Hi..
I am in a serious relationship for three years now, and I love my partner dearly. I am 21 and he is 27. Lately I have been feeling as if I am missing out on my "youth". My partner is the only guy that I have ever slept with, and I'm not sure if I am happy with having only slept with one person in my lifetime. Don't get me wrong,he is amazing in bed, but I cant stop thinking about what it would be like to sleep with other people. My partner did have a sexual relationship before our relationship.
I feel SO frustrated sometimes its driving me mad. Am i being selfish?
I know i do want to spend the rest of my life with my partner, but I do think that we both want different things. One of which is that I want to travel and he doesn't want to leave home.

Answer
Firstly, just to get this aside. You cant really waste your "youth". There is a period between 27 and 34 that you will start to feel like MTV isn't talking to you any more, you'll notice the models in magazines are now magically younger than you. But When your 30 - 30 year olds are hot to you, not 20 year olds. You might waste your "youth" much like you wasted your toddler years, GOSH-DARN YOU COULD HAVE LEARNED A SECOND LANGUAGE! You see what I'm saying? Youth and $4 will buy you a tall frap... but when your young thats a treat HAHA in your "middle ages" you can afford it every morning lol, and hit on that 30 something in the suit behind you while the 20 year old makes your drink. Ya dig?

Moving on...

I'm 27 now, and I think about where life has taken me from 21. Wow. At 21 I had lived in Michigan my whole life, was in a great relationship, just moved out on my own. NEVER wanted to leave and was VERY close to my community. A budding writer for my local newspaper and just happy as a peach.

I'll tell you what happened. Since then I've fallen in and out love 3 times (each 2 year relationships). They are all great friends and I don't regret a bit. I've moved 1200 miles away to Arizona and literally replaced all the people I once knew for new people of equally incredible value.

Honey, when I say never I mean never. I NEVER imagined this would be the path I take. He can say never, mean it to the depth of his core, and still end up in Japan on a fishing boat in 6 years.

And you can't imagine yours either. You can hope and dream and plan, but one night you might blink your eyes and end up in a different life and love it every bit as your own.

Am I saying he's not your "forever guy"?

No.

I'm saying who cares! I'm saying enjoy your love, for every bit it is and as deeply as possible in every second you can. Quit worrying if the score is even.

If your talking FOREVER - when your both in your 30's maybe you'll cruise or visit a foreign country. Maybe you'll get a job offer you can't pass up and he follow you some where exciting. Maybe he'll cheat and you'll separate... or maybe one of you gets hit by a truck. OH THAT WAS AWFUL! But you get what I'm saying? You can't determine forever, and you've got the REST OF YOUR LIFE to put another notch on your bedpost. PLEASE enjoy what you have now.

Frankly, As someone who has had a lot of partners. I cannot stress to you enough... a man who knows you and knows you intimately, well, better does not exist. A good lover is developed over time like you have now. There is no magical lover out there that knows instantly how to get you off over and over again, unless he's been with so many women that it's insulting to you. Yes a fling is fun, yes it's exciting, but that is like collecting pennies instead of taking a dollar bill.

ESPECIALLY AT OUR AGE! At least wait till your 40's. It sounds gross now but when your 40 other 40 year olds will look hot, lol and probably have been married for 20 years and divorced and know well how to do what the boys our age cant.

Yeah thats 20 years away... but remember... your talking FOREVER

I hope I've helped some babe, keep asking if you've got more thoughts in your brain. I've got the REST OF MY LIFE haha.

Love,
Elise