How to Deal With Cheaters/I cheated on my girl

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Expert: Elise - 3/11/2010


Question
I've been dating my girlfriend for 6 months, I recently started a new job about 3 months ago and met another girl there. We always flirt at work and go out for drinks with all the co workers together every weekend. One night we took the drinks to her house and i was the last one to stay. We made out and felt each other up all night long and it was very intense. I feel guilty that i did this to my girlfriend, made an agreement that it was a mistake and it won't happen again with the other girl and no one has to know about it. But i kinda like the other girl, I'm really curious in what she is about and i like spending time with her. However as selfish as it sounds I don't wanna loose my girlfriend also. Someone please give me some advice, I don't know what to do. Everytime I'm with my girl I think of the girl i cheated on her with and everytime i'm not with my girl i think about my girl. I can't have both, what do I do?

Answer
Hey Lex
Don't take this wrong
The more you date the more jaded you become
The most common misconception with light daters or beginning daters is that just because you like someone something has to happen this second.
The second most common misconception is that just because you like someone it makes them special.
All any relationship is, is two people with something in common, and a circumstance that incubates a romance.
The more you date, the easier it is to "incubate" it on your own instead of chancing it and waiting for it.
You've got two big questions to answer...
Firstly is your girlfriend someone you want to be faithful to or is it almost over anyway?
Secondly, are you really so hard up for this new girl you can't wait a few months or a few years for your current relationship to play out or go farther?
That girl will always be within reach - facebook or by phone, there is going to be a way to get a hold of her when you separate. Beyond that... if its not her its someone else.
A real relationship is about choosing someone above all others - because there is always others.  

How to Deal With Cheaters

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Elise

Expertise

I can answer questions ranging from why someone would cheat, how to get away with it, and most importantly in recognizing when your motives are not the correct ones. I can help with someone who is unsure with their feelings and recognize when someone should be talked out of doing something they will regret. When dealing with those who are hurt by a cheater in their life, I am sensitive to their condition and answer questions from "the other side of the fence" in a way that focuses on the importance of not taking it as personally as many do. I will also emphasize the importance of not emotionally abusing your partner while cheating, and how to appropriately accept the consequences and not hurt your partner further if caught. There is a big difference between emotional cheating and physical cheating and I am quick to point out when someone is taking advantage of their partner by cheating emotionally, versus someone who is not satisfied but still deeply loves their partner.

Experience

I am a woman who is a firm believer in open relationships and can justify against any argument with well thought out and accurate information backing my position. In rare occasions I have been in a relationship in which my mate did not support the lifestyle. I have resorted to cheating on at least 3 partners with frequency, and was never found to have done so. I believe that humans are not by nature monogamous, and find nothing wrong with multiple partners. I strongly encourage safe practices, and proper hygiene. I also believe strongly in accepting the consequences that cheating entails, and not hurting the person you are with.

Education/Credentials
Just some psychology classes in college, including sexuality in society.

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