Expert: Elise - 3/25/2010

Question
Ok, I probably have a really weird relationship, but my husband wants me to be with another man.  This is exciting to me and want to do it.  I got a man in mind, who i've done some sexual things with before, and we talk on aim and exchange pictures. He says he's interested in fulfilling fantasies together and talks a great game, but when i mention that we should get going and do this he seems to skirt around it at times and other times he seems like he's putting in more of an effort. So, do you think it's going to happen or is he just playing a game?  I should probably also mention he has a girlfriend that he lives with.

Answer
My Answer must have not sent! I apologize.
As you said, you two have a weird relationship. I say it's not weird if it WORKS for you.
I can't speak to your arrangement though.
I can say that in the past I've had a relationship, and witnessed countless others in which two partners, who care a lot for each other can still not be on the same wavelength.
In that I mean.. they give until they are made timid than back off.
In my situation I was with a guy 2 years and we never did agree to be boyfriend and girlfriend... but spent ever non-working minute together, attended weddings and even lived together lol. You see what I'm saying? It was weird but it worked. THE KEY in why I am telling you this is in that we were assumed to be certain things until the pressure came and one of us would declare "were not even together!" and storm off - which was more a signal for the other to say we are... but it never happened.
I think your husband is interested in this arrangement, but when it gets close to it he gets nervous and backs out hoping you would take control. Instead you are following his lead and backing off too- INSTEAD OF following through with his lead into it.
Obviously you two have an open relationship, so there shouldn't be any concerns right? Is it agreed upon and in the open?

The only REAL drawback I could see if he is looking to leave and wants to use the photos as proof of cheating to the courts to get out of alimony or something. I'm sure it's not a situation like that (I just try to see all possible sides)

The other obvious option is to just let the issue drop, he may deep down like the idea more than the reality.