Expert: Elise - 4/7/2010

Question
Hi.
Im 21 this june and my partner of two years 27.
He has a two year old son who iv been around since he was two weeks old.
Early in our relationship - about two months in, my bf cheated on me - didnt have sex but he did things that were not acceptable, he even filmed it.
I saw the video some time after it happened, he lied and convinced me it was someone else though I always had my gut feeling telling me it was him.
Eventually I found an email of him telling a friend to cover for him should I ever say anything.
I forgave him for it but was heart broken at the time and it got me depressed.
I should mention I have rheumatoid arthritis - have had it since I was 16 and last year I nearly died from an adverse reaction to my meds, he stood by me through it all and he always looks after me in any way he can.
During my depression I know I was hell to live with, our sex life went down hill as I think he thought it best to stay clear.
I was angry at him alot, I lost any kind of bond with his son.
In October we went out one night and I met someone who took an interest in me, we went back to his and things nearly got out of hand but my head kicked in and I went home - problem was it was the best I had felt in some time.
My bf wasnt happy I was home so late but I said I was at a friends.
I ended up inviting this person around the next monday - thats when I slept with him. I knew what I was doing but I needed and wanted it at the time.
Anyway he left the picture as he got what he wanted, I did feel guilty but in some way it helped me not think about my bf in that video.
So my depression started to go away - the guilt didnt ofcourse.
Just after christmas I told him about it, he was hurt and upset but could understand and forgave me for it.
Things have been great, we have been having money troubles like everyone.
We have also been in rented accomodation for nearly a year.
We are now both looking to buy his parents house - a big step and im scared.
I have always had a crush on a friend, but I never knew the feeling was mutual so it was easy to keep it concealed.
We all went out friday and he confessed how much he liked me.
My head and my heart are now in a mess. Iv kissed this guy which I know is wrong but I felt so attracted to him physically and metally I couldnt help myself.
I so badly want to sleep with him but I know I cant.
I dont know what to do right now. My bf thinks everything is fine but its really not.
I asked him to try and do different things in the bedroom so make things different and more fun but he still sticks to the same routine and so im bored.
Im seeing my friend today, and i will as always be careful around him but I really need advice.
Am I too young to settle down? I do love my bf and I dont want to hurt him.
I also cannot just walk out of this relationship, i dont have a job right now, so it would mean moving back home which for me is not an option.

Thanks for taking the time to read this - I know its alot but I really want you to fully understand the position im in.
Amy

Answer
Amy,
The thing is, there is always going to be another guy if your accessible to it. Perhaps the only folly that comes from your age is inexperience in that. I mean this very literally - there will always be another man eager to get in your pants. If you are open to hearing it that you'll always be tempted.
This friend, could you have a relationship with him like you do your current beau? Or is this friend without a stable situation right now to and you just like the idea of making out with him?
Even if you did form a relationship, this "itch" is in you - not the people surrounding you, in two years you'll have another "friend" you want to try out. It's an internal affair.
I've got to tell you, all any relationship is, is two people with mild interest and a chance to incubate a connection. You and your friend, just like you and your beau at some point had a flash of "like" and hung out and it turned into more. And, honey, if you consider every guy that lives with his mom and rides a bike as an option you'll have your head spinning the rest of your life.
You've got a man who did something stupid, but he also stuck with you through the bad times, he has a situation that supports the 3 of you, and he is looking to move forward in life with you. Perhaps not where you are from, but in the cities I've lived in... that is a very rare occurrence and worth more of a second look than this friend of yours.
I'm all about casual sex don't get me wrong, and I love a flirt lol. But I'm also quick to point out when you have something better than most. If you really want to get your rocks off - at least confess to yourself that is what it is. Consider an open relationship if the both of you have cheated even. I can help you with that I've got a lot of knowledge in that arena. But please don't set yourself up in a situation where you ruin a good thing... and than have to learn that the new guy isn't everything you thought it would be.