Expert: Elise - 4/14/2010

Question
I'm 35, married for about 15 years now. My wife was my first time, and so far my only one. We're having sex maybe once per month, max, and it's never very satisfying for me; my wife's not very into sex overall, and I don't think she finds it much fun. She seems to like it when we have sex, but it's not something she actively seeks. She likes her sex very simple, missionary, no oral (not even for her, she says she 'doesn't like to come that way'), thank you very much. In three words: she's not fun.
Now although I am aware that 'fun' shouldn't wait much in a relationship, I've also started to just feel alone, and generally missing physical contact and complicity. (The 'courageous' thing would be to leave, but I've got two kids and don't feel like I can renounce on that responsibility, and introduce perturbation in their life.)
There comes cheating then: I'm just dying to find somebody that would just love me as I am, and that would enjoy the physical aspect of things as much as I do.
Trouble is, I don't even know where/if I should start looking. The 'if' is pretty much answered; my wife's a proven dead end on the sex issue: she doesn't really seek it, and doesn't really miss it.
Add to this the fact that a) I'm pretty self-conscious and have trouble considering myself worth the trouble b) I haven't met a single person in years which seemed to be attracted by me. I can't believe that I'm that ugly, so cheating might be a way to rebuild part of that confidence, and to quench a thirst for contact & sharing. But I don't know where to look.
I know this is slightly confused but I don't know where to start, and how to go about 'seducing' or going towards somebody...

Answer
If you are SURE this is the path you want to take, I can help. I'm here to answer questions right?
But first have you considered asking for an open relationship? I can help with that too and you might find it a better and less traumatic solution. You might undergo pressure now instead of later... but with cheating... there is always a later and forgiveness doesn't come easy.
As for meeting people. All I've ever said to anyone is a relationship is just a possibility and a chance to incubate more. Whatever type of relationship that may be. The more you date, the easier it will be for you to learn how to incubate those chances.
Start with eye contact. That really, truly is the biggest one. It shows confidence and attraction. It is enough for someone to begin thinking about you in that way (FAST!) and also not concrete enough for them to scoff at you and call you names. Learn to hold your eyecontact a long time, it's nerve wrecking at first but if you can keep that habit it will actually project a more confident person and may find it benefits you more than just in dating. Think how like jailbirds or gangsters hold eye contact, much longer than comfortable... until you divert your eyes. But don't look tough, keep a smile.

Next is learn to fake "love-at-first-sight". When you catch something within reach and yummy out of the corner of your eye, instead of taking your glance, snap your neck around like its Pam Anderson and let the "holy crap" show in your eyes. She will see it, then show her you made a mistake by showing too much and look away real quick. If she comes over or she gets closer (or glances again more than 3 times) its a good sign, catch and hold eyecontact and smile. If you act a little shy and like you genuinely got caught up in her beauty... she should come over.

Side note:
If you snap and give her the Pam Anderson "holy crap" look and she's a dogger, just don't look again. She will be flattered someone looked at her but never brave enough to come talk to you.

Anyway that is more than enough to reel a lady in. I'm sure you know how to converse. The rest should come natural. But make sure to not give her too much attention at first, don't get back to her real quick. (always keep her name under a guys name or a utility in your phone and delete your stuff) After a week or two then start to baby talk her or whatever.

Good luck! Let me know if i can help with the open relationship thing too ok?