Expert: Elise - 4/19/2010

Question
hi,

I was with my partner for just over a year and we split up for about 10 months. we decided to give it another go and upon getting back together he admitted to sleeping with someone else when we were together previously. he said he was drunk and did it because we weren't getting on very well. since then (we have been back together around 4 months) its driving me crazy. he has apologised and promised it won't happen again but I doubt everything now and drive myself mad with worry that it will happen again. I love him and I want to spend the rest of my life with him but need some advice on how to move forward with him cos it is making our relationship volatile and I am constantly questioning him. any help is much appreciated!
sarah x

Answer
There is really no way to make you care less. You can just wear bored of the act as you move forward together. But trust has much less to do with his action and more to do with whats going on in your mind.
He could do everything he possibly could to prove to you that he is behaving, and you would find it changed who he is, and is no longer attractive to you.
What will ultimatly make you feel you are past all of that, is in feeling your connection with him reach new levels. For every couple it is different, there area  million different combinations of people and circumstances that can make you feel closer to him.
If you can find a way to raise the level of affection toward each other in the relationship you might find that is a good level for a while. May help you get closer to getting over what happened.
No, you can't yell at him for more affection. lol. Try doing more little things together, cooking dinner or tickle fights. Little things people do to share a smile.