Expert: Elise - 4/14/2010

Question
I met a man who had 2 kids & a girlfriend, for this reason we could not commit to each other so we decided to keep our relationship sexual, but I fell in love.  I broke up with him & met my now husband who is perfect in everyway except in bed.  I feel we cannot connect.  Only one man can fulfil me and I want to meet with him again.  I love my husband but I need this satisfaction.  

This may sound stupid but I have heard that a man can feel when his "territory" had been entered by another. I don't think this is true but I want to be really careful & cover all my bases. Is it true?

I am going to sleep with my ex in a few nights, how do I ensure that my husband does not feel that my vagina is different when he enters me? Do I have to wait a certain period before I sleep with my husband again?

Answer
Wowzers.
Well. The vagina wall is made to expand when penetrated, so unless you get a brutal beating - it should go back to place as normal with a hour. lol.
All that aside. A man CAN tell when something is off. If you are going to do this, know no matter how good of an actor you are, it will show you've been up to something. Have a story that explains this elevated mood. Either you ran into an old friend from school and caught up with her and it was great, or your going to try something new and you loved it. You can also use that energy to act angry or upset. But your mood will be elevated or excited and that is where people slip up.
You can't say "nothing" and have a smile you can't explain.
With any lie, like say you plan to shave a different way or something, just know that setting the stage is more believable than explaining why after. "honey what's with that lightning bolt" is much worse than "hey honey I'm gong to shave a lightning bolt to be crazy!" You know what I mean. Whatever you can explain before he asks (without over explaining anything) is good stuff. On that same note don't explain anything more than your normal level of communication.
Beyond that, take a shower, try just water really throughly, you don't want to smell fresh out of the shower any more than cologne. and just pull your hair back.
The more careful you are about the details the better off you are. Also keep his name in your phone under a females OR under a utility that you never call (laundry mat) delete all your records - that is the first place he will look.

All that aside, it is still a ticking time bomb. If your married, this man is supposed to be your "forever" if you've got to cheat now either try and get over it quick... or really consider letting him out of his mystery. Even if he never has anything to go on, he will eventually sense something and begin to go out of his mind. The mental damage this can do to him is something that could mess him up for a very long time. I know you love him so when it does turn foul, remember that love and fight fair. Don't tell him he's crazy or smothering or anything hurtful like that when your the one doing this. I'm not saying don't do it, we all have things we need to do, just please think hard about what damage this can do to him - not just your relationship.

Aside from that, consider an open relationship :) I LOVE open relationships and if done right they really do fix a lot of problems couples have.