Expert: Kate Rosling - 9/20/2010

Question
QUESTION: ok not sure where to go with this BUT my long term partner
of 4+years made a weird statement after she looked through
our computer history.
I had look at a bit of bondage porn and some hot women in
bikinis.
She moaned because I had not deleted the history so she
couldn't find out then went on to say "Its like if you
are/were cheating on me-if I don't find out it can't bother
me"
Problem is she is pregnant and sex has changed over the last
4 years at 1st I had it all and she did what I wanted.
now oral is out for me and her and sex even before she got
pregnant was "ok get on with it"
I ain't/don't want/wish to leave her! but I feel I need that
rush plus being 29 and only sleeping with 3 people including
her really makes me feel a level of self-disappointment.

you view please

rob

ANSWER: Hi Rob.

A lot of the time, women become offended by there partner's watching porn.  My opinion, you should at least ask for sex before turning to porn.  If she refuses sex, then you have every right to do it yourself.  Men have needs and if they are not met, they often cheat, but what you did was fine, but again, you should consult her about sex first.

About her comment, she knows that really isn't cheating, but it just feels like that sometimes to her.  If she did find out you were "actually" cheating on her, that would devastate her, ruining your relationship/trust with her, and thats not what you want for your child.

This is just my opinion.  Your interpretation is obviously different.  Maybe ask her about and say "hey, a little sex once in a while wouldn't hurt."  

I hope this helps.

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: If anything its left me more out of line than before I asked
as I said at 1st she couldn't do enough and over the last
year Its gone the other way and no matter how many times I
try and talk it over it always a false promise followed by
no change
its getting to me-it unfair and unreasonable to expect me to
have to put up with this if anything you could say I was
tricked-this pregnancy was unplanned at least to me.
surely after trying to talk it over many times and still not
being met half way.

rob  

Answer
I understand completely, but you have to be sympathetic to her as well.  She is carrying your child, which alone is hard, but her hormones are off balance right now.  I would simply tell her that if she is not willing to have sex, then at least allow me to find an alternative, whether it be by yourself, or with another woman.  If she still is hurt by this, it is up to you to decide what you do moving forward.