Expert: Don - 6/6/2007

Question
QUESTION: Greetings Don...

*sigh*...I have been through some apauling times with my boyfriend of 3 years...you will probably see me here alot, asking random questions...I feel like I need alot of guidance right now....Im all messed about..Not sure what to do or who to turn to.
Okay, my question/situation/scenario:
BF was acting strangly, and I am such a naturally suspicious person, that I started checking his phone. I couldnt really gather much information, so I ended up checking his cell phone bills when they came in. I started noticing pages in the bill missing and would inquire as to where these pages went (ex: jumped from page 4 to page 7, what happened to the 3 missing pages). He would get huffy and tell me he didnt know. I just KNEW it was a lie, and when the next opportunity presented itself, I leaped all over it.
He was having problems with his cell phone company and asked me to call and ask why he was being charged for additional minutes. I called, and while I was speaking to them about the problem, I asked why every month pages where missing from the bill. The person told me that this was very odd, and that from now on I could simply view it online to avoid confusion. So the next day, I set up an online account, and lo and behold, I found the very reason why those pages inexplicably disappeared each month.
Turns out, those pages contained numerous phone calls back and forth to this one woman (I will get into that later). When I say numerous, I mean NUMEROUS. At least 9 times a day, sometimes at odd hours a day. 6:45 in the morning, 11:50 at nite...and at all hours throught the day. Some of them ranging from 2 minutes to 20 minutes. This went on for months upon months and I didnt even know it!!
So I confronted him. And he told me that he was talking about work....(They worked together) okkkaaayyyy...if you work together, why are you calling each other at work?? Besides, cant you get everything you have to talk about out while you are working?? Its about work at 11:50 at nite??!!
Needless to say, I went on a rampage and basically told him I knew all about what type of woman she was...( I had done my research). She had a husband, but it seems she is a bit of a tart, Always sleeping around, and slept with almost all of the male members in his family (cousins, uncles, friends included) and that he was supposed to be next but then he met me...so they never got around to it.
I remember once that he had introduced me to her, and then spoke nice of her (before I ever knew what type of person she was) and actually was trying to get all of us together to hang out a couple of times...supposedly her and her husband and him and I. Imagine speaking of her as if she was a decent classy girl, trying to lure me into a friendship with her!!!

What do you think went on? Did he sleep with her?


ANSWER: I have no idea as to whether he slept with her or not as I was not there I can only speculate, just like you.

I have a question for you, why do you waste your time in this relationship. If your trust of him is so little that you have to search through his phone to see whom he is talking to why are you still dating him. A relationship should be built on trust, so if you don't trust him this relationship will never work, you'd be better off just breaking up and trying to find a man you could trust.

With that being said, I would think that something is going on between your boyfriend and this lady. If he has to hide pages of his cell phone bill from you because he is calling her so much, it's because he is up to something and doesn't want you to find out about it. So if I had to guess I would say yes something is going on with this lady and him.

I hope this helped and good luck

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: You are right, Don, I probably should just move on...I believe the years of decay on my self esteem have prompted me to stay. Nevertheless, it is what it is. I should add that I am an awfully suspicious person anyway, so that only adds to my confusion.
My real burning question(s) is this: Why do you think he wanted her and I to become friends? Even after he knows what kind of person she is? And then trying to lure me into a friendship with her, under the guise that she is a classy girl with a husband and child? (Which I almost fell for until I started digging around) Why was he making her out to be such an innocent class act when she is anything but? She is a straight up ho that everyone says is bad news. Apparently everyone but him can see this. Why is that? Set me straight with this, Don. Thank you for your wonderful and much appreciated advice...

Answer
Maybe he wanted you to become friends with her and think that she is a classy lady so that you wouldn't be suspicious when he started having sex with her. If the two of you were friends you wouldn't think that she would sleep with your boyfriend.

So his plans was to get the two of you to become close friends so that you would let your guard down and not think something was going on when she started trying to spend time with you or your boyfriend.

That's my opinion of why he would try to force a friendship.