Expert: RITA - 10/26/2004

Question
My Boyfriend keeps going online and looking at porn or girls in genral, or writing girls online. I have told him this hurts bad and he says he won't do it anymore. Yet he keeps on. I do not think he loves me? What is the problem? Will this lead to cheating?
Jen

Answer
Dear Jen
I have mixed ideas on this subject...while I think there is nothing all that bad with a guy who looks at porn (because that's what they like to do for some reason) I think it is inappropriate to be writing girls online (you'd have to be more specific here).
I, for instance, don't have a problem with my honey looking at Playboy channel...because I am aware that guys do this, and because I'm alot more secure with myself at my age, however, if I were 20 years younger, I'm sure it would have bothered me.
It doesn't have to lead to cheating, if the guy is a "real man"...he doesn't need to seek the sex/physical part outside of the relationship...he only needs you for that, but if his fantasies are not enough and he strays, then that's his problem...not yours..just dump him if he does.
It doesn't mean he doesn't love you, it's just an outlet because guys are just like that...they're alot more "visual" creatures than we are. But if youre not comfortable with it and you have spoken to him about it, then you need to talk more..or either, dump him...I don't know really what to tell you other than that.
Take care