Expert: Peggy - 3/24/2000

Question
MY OUESTION IS AM I WRONG FOR CHEATING ON MY HUSBAND. I`M IN A ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP MY HUSBAND IS VERY CONTROLING HE VERBALLY ABUSE ME IN FRONT OF MY CHILDRENS AND I HAVE BEG HIM TO STOP I`VE BEEN BEGGING FOR 15 YEARS FOR HIM TO STOP FOR THE SAKE OF OUR GIRLS WHO ARE 13 AND 10 BUT HE WANT STOP HE ALWAYS TALKING ABOUT KILLING ME HE HAS HIT ME, PUSH ME AROUND GAVE ME A BLACK EYE I DON`T FEEL BAD ABOUT CHEATING ON HIM I HAVE SOMEONE WHO LOVES ME AND TREAT ME RIGHT AND THE WAY I WANT TO BE TREATED SO WRITE ME BACK AND TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK AM I WRONG OR RIGHT.

Answer
Dear Shelia,
Cheating is always wrong, however I can understand why you are doing it. I was in the same situation for almost 25 years. I got caught up in a couple of affairs myself, it was the attention that made me think I was in love with them.  You need to get out of your abusive relationship. It will keep wearing you down, and will give your girls the notion that this is the way love is suppose to be.  I finally left my situation. I stopped worrying about what he was going to do to me, and wondered what I could do to him.
Don't look back ten years from now, and think of what might have been. It's hard to be on your own with children, but it's such a relief to go to bed at night without worrying what kind of mood he's in...Abusers never get better without help, but they certainly do get worse.

Take care,
Peggy