Expert: John Mayer - 9/3/2004

Question
Dear John,
Thank you for taking the time out to read about my problem. My problem is that I have been married for almost 4 years now, and we haven't had sex for over 3 years. (it's not me with the sexual problems) Everytime i speak to him aboutit, he shruggs me off, so i gave up! Don't meant to sound up myself, but i am an attractive 24 y/o women and 10 years my husbands junior. Anyways, to put it simply, there is someone else that i have got rather close with over the past few months (and yes, husband knows him), and we almost had sex twice. I have never cheated on my husband, but considering the circumstances, AND this other man TURNS ME ON, should i just go ahead and do it?

Answer
Candice,

Id be honored to answer your question. Amazingly Ive been in a similar situation as yourself. I was with a girl for 3 years and in that time we only had sex 4 times. And again it was the other person who lacked the interest and motivation to have sex. Its very frustrating because you love this person yet your desires start to consume you and control your behavior.

Now at first glance id say go for it! When i was with this girl i held on for like the first 24 months then i had enough. I went out and started cheating like a mad man. Now under no circumstances do i suggest you do exactly as i have done however because your husband knows this guy id proceed with more caution and less reckless abandon as I have done.

If your going to sleep with him and in your situation I think you should I think you should lay a few ground rules first:

1. He is never to call your cell or house PERIOD
 1a Unless at a prescribed time when you know you will be alone
2. He is never to come over to your place
3. When you meet him you meet at a location that is 10 to 20 miles away from where you and your husband live. I suggest you also get a hold of this book
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1580084141/ref=nosim/edazzlenet-20/102-15...
(Its titled the 50 mile rule. Highly recommended reading.)
4. Never keep his name, number or address on your clothing as it may fall out and your husband may find it.
5. Always practice safe sex. Cant tell you how many unwanted babies result from cheating relationships. Always best to be safe.
6. And best of all - HAVE FUN !

If you need any further advice or have any more questions email me here : techguyoc@blazemail.com

Good luck and have a great weekend.. Don't forget to rate my answer.

John