Expert: Bruce D. Frank - 10/18/2007

Question
Dan and I have been together for 2 years we met on the internet. We had a very good relationship and talked of marriage. We've traveled together infact we just got back from Germany and Denmark! Hes the only one that gave me that tingly feeling. and now i dont even want him to touch me. Well a few days ago A freind of mine who was using the same sight we found eachother on saw an ad and thought it was dan so she sent it to me. So i looked into it and at first convinced by dan it was one of his exs trying to get him back...and he didnt act concerned instead he kept getting defensive and saying well you trust me dont you...and I did ...the next morning he had the balls to tell me by txt we are nolonger together ect ect.but than with not much effort and one of his common passwords  I easily opened the account and found it was obviously him. The first time I found it I didnt get to crazy it was middle of the night so I called him and asked about it and asked him to please just be truthful. Well than the next day I looked further into the acount he had a seperate email set up for it and had been doing it since we've started going out. nothing seemed to go further than talking on this sight but I found one girl who as it turns out he did actually meet. Finaly when I said this is your last chance to come clean were you on this website did you meet this girl???? He said yes and admited it I said well why? What the hell made you do this. And he said that he dosnt feel attractive anymore becuase hes older (36) and I'm 25. And he really is actualy very atractive person....Hes always had a bit of an attitude though can get moody and say mean things to me but i never felt he realy meant them I could tell something else was wronmg so I didnt take it to personaly. And sometimes he'd drink and most of the time hed drink and than go online. and that From the day we met he knew he wanted to be with me for the rest of his life and that if he wasnt with me he would never be with anyone again...bla bla..bla...he said repeatdly how sorry he is and how much it hurts more than the day his father died and how the day he met that girl he all he could think about why he was there and how much he loves me..hes said it to me before Im just not sure I belive it anymore. after some tears on his part and mine i told im still not sure what i want to do. And that things have to change on his part and he has earn my trust back. So he said hed do anything but i seriously dont want him to touch me and he says I love you but i cant even reply right now. He dumped out all the alcohol he could find to show me he wasst going to drink any more. But how the heck am i able to trust him on the computer! what do i do with that becuase i feel like if hes on it than hes doing something  he souldnt be and im not a friggin babysitter.But I dont know is it worth my time and efforts

thak you
Beth

Answer
Of course it is not worth your life (time) to babysit a grown man that you do not trust.  Follow your instinct... is he done or not.  If you do not trust him then you do not believe that he is done.  And, he has not shown you that he is done.  He will have to do something to show you that he is completely yours and that he will no longer find people on line to cheat with.  If he shows you that he will be faithful, and, you feel that he will then go for it.  If not, you must follow your feelings and make some hard decisions.  Good luck.