About Bruce D. Frank Expertise I can help you figure out if your spouse or lover is cheating. I can also help you deal with the situation; from catching the cheater to healing, or ending the relationship. I tend to be straight forward.
Experience I have been the victim of a cheater. From the point of suspecting to catching her, to healing; I began to study the subject extensively.
Question I just recently found out that my wife of 3 months just cheated on me. She's in the navy, and been away since we've been married, but I didn't find out from her, I found out from the other guys wife when she wrote angry words to our myspace account. I'm haveing a hard time dealing with this and need some help or advice. I want our marriage to work, but I'm very shaken up right now. I had to find out from the guys wife instead of her. She says that she was feeling confused about how she felt about the guy and one thing led to another and well... She's confused about why she got confused in the first place about her feelings... What can we do to work this out... Thank you for your time...
Answer I am very sorry to hear about what happened to you. Infidelity is one of the most hurtful things that can ever happen in a relationship. The difficult thing is that such a brief moment can have such a long affect. Although it may seem permanent, the pain of the affair does not have to last forever. The main thing that you and your spouse need to do is to "put everything on the table" and figure out why it happened in the first place. We are all after something to fulfill the desires that we have. Desire is simply the nagging want or need that arises when we are not fulfilled in some aspect of our lives. It creates a burning need for feed an arbitrary appetite which is the void between desire and satisfaction. All that to say, there was something that your spouse needs that you or other aspects of her life was not able to fulfill. It does not mean that it was something sexual at all. Usually, sexual affairs are not really about the sex. They are usually very emotional. At the point in time when the people are involved, they feel very needed and close. Even if this is never expressed or real. Unfortunately, affairs or so shrouded in lies that it may be very difficult to get to the bottom line. She will have a tendency to lie to you because she does not want to hurt you and she is afraid of your reaction. The thing that you two must face and be realistic about is weather or not you love each other enough to get through this. You can get through it if you are both honest with each other. The fact that she has been away from you makes it difficult for her to get the affection that a new wife needs. The other guy obviously sent signals that told her on an emotional level that he could fulfill some of her needs. The confusion has to do with the fact that she may have felt an emotional bond with a man who was not her husband and she knew it was wrong. You need to love your wife. That is the most that you can do. She has to be done with the affair. If not, you will have more issues. Good luck.
