Expert: Ini Obong - 3/26/2005

Question
Well first let me give you a little history. My BF and I have known each other for 5 years and been dating for 3. We have a 2 year old daughter and have been living together for 2 1/2 years. We started as friends w/ benefits even though shortly after we met he started dating someone else. At the time it was ok for both of us.

Anyways, I recently found a voice mail from a girl telling him that she missed him, can't wait to see him, and LOVED him. Well this just happened to be on the weekend that he was out of town 'working on his cousin's apt building'. This is not an uncommon thing for him. We used to go there a lot together, but not lately because of our daughter and working. Well I initially asked him about this and he denied it. Didn't know who or what I was talking about. So I started investigating. He was working on the apartment, but some of the time frames didn't make sense. Well a week went by and I had it. I wouldn't take no for an answer and he came clean. I think. He said that he met this Bit** about a month ago and that he did let her have oral sex on him about 3 weeks ago, and he planned to sleep with her the weekend that he was away, but he didn't. He did admit to seeing her. He didn't make any excuses or blame it on anything. And he said it was over that he realized that he loved me and that it was wrong. If it wasn't for our daughter I would be running for the hills, but I know she loves her daddy so much and would really be upset not to see him. (I would be moving back to were my family is) I just don't know if he told me everything or not. I do know that we are both going to the doctor's for a full check up. I feel so hurt and angry and sad. This women even met his cousin because she said his name and talked about showing the empty apartments in his building. Should I clue the cousin in so I can cut this Bit** out of our lives. How will I know that it is over. Help I am just so confused and upset. Oh yeah there is a pride issue, I wouldn't want to hear my family's mouth when they found out. (you know I told you so, Of yeah not that it matters to me, but he is black and I'm white and in my family that is not right)

Please Help.I am so confused.

Heartbroken and sick.

Answer
Hi Amanda,

You are getting rather temperamental and you need to be in control so you do not make a mistake.

Firstly, you need to have a heart to heart talk with him and let him tell you what is lacking in the relationship. A nice way to put it would be to ask him to suggest what you could do to make the relationship improve.

Secondly you could seek counselling together. This would bring more understanding between both of you.

But still i wonder, why don't you guy get married? SO what are your expectations in the relationship.

Wish you all the best

Regards