Expert: Don - 6/28/2007

Question
QUESTION: Hello Susan,

I was madly in love with a guy named Marc, who it turns out was cheating on me with a girl named Cynthia the entire time and dumped me to be with her. Ain't life grand. Worse yet, Cynthia has a serious boyfriend back home.

He emailed me the other day (months later out of the blue) asking how I was doing, that he missed me very much. I was going to ignore him...but then I thought, let's have some fun with this one.

So I joked (he knows my sense of humor) that I had turned into a lesbian, was married to a woman named Nicole and was pregnant, but she was not the baby daddy. I said when him and I were dating, I never cheated on him with Nicole, but I was cheating on him with another woman, a woman who was the baby daddy, and her name was Cynthia.

So instead of getting mad and whining 'why did you cheat on me' I joked and said not only was he cheating on me with her, but I was cheating on him with her as well!

He doesn't know that I knew about Cynthia, he thinks I am in the dark and don't know who she is.

I am sure his face was white as a sheet reading that!

So anyway I blocked and deleted him from my profile. I deleted all his photos, emails, everything. Was this the right thing to do?

- Ana

ANSWER: Yeah it sounds like a funny joke, plus he deserved it for cheating on you to begin with.

There is no harm in your little joke, so it's fine.

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Why do you think he contacted me months later out of the blue, asking how I was doing? Do you think maybe he feels guilty about dumping me to get with her, or misses me, or maybe she broke up with him or something, so he was lonely one night and decided to write me?

Here is the other thing. Him and I are carbon copies. We have the same taste in music, movies, books, articles, free time activities, websites, magazines, career aspirations, goals in life, etc. It was really freaky! He plays guitar and sings. Him and I like the same bands too. So we used to stay up all night on YouTube downloading music videos, playing guitar and singing together and writing music together, then he would serenade me. And you know what was so fun, we used to download the guitar tabs, learn them, and then we would change the lyrics around to make them really funny songs, kinda like what they do on Saturday Night Live, you know what I mean.

And I realized that Cynthia, well she doesn't like rock music or any of the bands he likes, she doesn't play guitar and sing like him, she doesn't like the same music or movies that he does. Plus she has a boyfriend back home, so he was basically hooking up with her for the sex, and no other reason.

So now that I have told you all this...do you think maybe he is just now realizing what he lost? Because you never value something - until you lose it for good.
ANSWER: He probably just missed you, or maybe you crossed his mind one day, so he decide to ask how you are. That doesn't mean that he wants to get back with you, it just means you happened to cross his mind that day.

I guess you'll never know why he e-mailed because instead of asking you played a joke on him.

If you really want to know, e-mail him back and ask him, I think he was probably just bored.

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION:
You think it's a possibility that things with her didn't work out?

God I feel so stupid. Here I was, thinking we were an item, and I actually meant something to him, and he was f*cking her the whole time.

I was just another piece of ass to him.

And the whole thing is, I still care about him a lot. I have never had a connection like that with anyone before. It's a shame he cheated and dumped me, we were really good together. No fights, nothing...just really happy. I can't even get mad at him...I'm just very sad :(
ANSWER: Seeing as how she had a boyfriend already, it's more than likely that she and your ex didn't work out.

Stop caring about him, he's not even worth your thoughts, he cheated on you and disrespected with no regard for your feelings.

Let it go

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Do men like this ever feel sorry for what they do to women? Do they ever regret letting a woman who really loves them go to chase after booty?

What have you seen in your experience.

Well you are right. He is a total idiot for letting me go. I mean, how many girls do you know that play guitar and listen to hard rock. I'm one in a million - he'd be hard pressed to find a girl like me again - and he dumped me for a skank who doesn't care about him as anything other than a toss in the sack. He's a moron!!!
ANSWER: All human being have regret from time to time. So yes I have met some men who have felt sorry for the things they've done to women.

I don't know if your ex feels that way because I've never spoken to him but it's possible that he feels bad for losing you.

Also I know like 10 or more girls that play guitar and like hard rock. I even know a few who are in a band.

But yeah the dude is a moron, you sound like a nice lady

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Plus I'm hot too ;-)

I didn't tell you this - but the last time I ran into him, he tried to kiss me. I pulled away and left him hanging. He can go be with Cynthia (who is currently cheating on both him and her boyfriend back home with yet another man by the way) Is it just me or am I sensing trouble brewing for them already?

Guess what - I like another guy named RJ now! He seems to like me...but not sure if RJ is a player or not. All the women love him...so I'm being cautious. I don't want to go down the same path again.

Marc and I are going to run into each other again, in another 2 years we will be doing our rotations in the same hospital.

All I hope is that when I find the man of my dreams, the man that really loves me and won't cheat on me, and when I am making love to him with my nails leaving bloody scratches down his back - I HOPE HE FEELS IT.

Answer
Wow a rock loving, guitar playing hot chick and he dumped you, that's so crazy.

That Cynthia sounds like a slut, I hope he doesn't catch a disease from her.

RJ sounds nice but be careful, if he seems like a player he probably is, just take it slow with him.

Yeah that bloody scratches things sounds a little bit crazy but good luck on finding that dream man.