Expert: Drea Jean - 5/17/2006

Question
The fact of the matter is I couldn't agree more.

And she promised never to lie to me after the last time but even when she would tell me the truth she said i would get mad so in short she told me she cant tell me anything and that she lied to me about being on the computer on her old name for 3 weeks now.

She mentioned why we can't be friends so should I email her telling her that isnt going ot happen.

And tell me what I could say to add some of this fear of losing me fear in her.

Answer
Hi Adam,

Well, you can go about this one of two ways. I'll tell you both of the ways, and give you the good and bad side each, and you can decide wich way you want to go.

1: Everything stops. Cut her out completley. Tell her no, you don't want to be friends. You care about her, you want to work it out, but you don't think she does, tell her that. Tell her you don't want to waste your time with someone who doesn't love and respect you too. Let her know if she ever decides she wants to work it out, that you can talk about that later. But for now, you are DONE with it, and as long as she treats you badly, you dont want to be friends with her. The Good: You are in control. You say when and how she talks to you, you decide to talk to her when you want to, and only after she has decided she wants a relationship with you again. You can move on with your life, and stop worrying about her. The Bad: You have to cut her off, and that could be hard for you, especially if you care about her. You may find yourself wishing you hadn't done it that way, and you'll have to force yourself to stick to it.

2: Tell her you can be friends, but that you and her can NOT be together as anything else until she gives you the love and respect you deserve. You guys can talk, and be friends, but nothing more. The Good: You will still have her in your life, and may notice changes, either good or bad ones in her, that will clue you in to if she is missing you or not. The Bad: She is still in control, and you are still there for her, so it won't change the fact she will still believe you are going to stick around.

To put the fear in her, you'll need to go with the first one, but be prepared, she still may not care, wich means she never did care for you, and you'll really have to move on.

Good Luck,

Drea Jean