Expert: Sam E - 3/25/2007

Question
My girlfriend and I had been casually dating since November with the commitment that we would not kiss anyone else.  Over Christmas break I went home and she stayed where we go to school.  She kissed her ex-boyfriend on Christmas and then at the beginning of February we became official.  After Valentines day she confessed that she had kissed him after straight up lying when I had asked her twice before.  Naturally my trust in her diminished a lot.  Everything has been going well since then but I am still unsure of what I should do.  We have discussed marriage several times but I am uneasy because of how she hurt me by breaking that commitment (cheating, which she admits) and lying about it.  I don't feel that she would cheat now, but I can't exactly be sure.  What should I do and how could I allow her to gain my trust again?

Answer
I would give her a second chance. Things were not really official and so its easy to see why something like that may have occurred.  What you need to do is tell her that you will give her a chance but she really needs to show you she is trust worthy. Once you have forgiven her you have to move past this. Let it go. If you keep bringing it up it will destroy the relationship. You have to fight the urge to keep throwing it in her face or dwelling on it. Let it go. It’s over and you both are moving on.  
Also make sure you don’t play Magnum PI with her. Don’t tighten a leash or follow her around because that too will ruin the relationship.  Just let her be her, but if  you start to get a bad feeling than confront her with it. Talk it over with her. Trust can be built up but it takes time. It takes her not cheating again and you letting it go and letting her be herself.
With time this will past and you will have trust in her again. If she happens to ever break that trust, than maybe you need to move on but for now I think all is well!
~Sam