Expert: Sam E - 3/22/2007

Question
QUESTION: My girlfriend had an emotional affair over a year ago she moved out, then we got back together, everything was going ok.  We have been going to therphy but now she says she feels empty and caged and needs space, she loves me but does not know if she wants the relationship or not.  I have been alittle crazy at times when she wanted to go out with friends about of the cheating in the pass, but I have been really working on this issue.  All this has come up in the pass month, I just don't know what to do and what changed.  She has always been a homebody but not now.  I can understand the caged feeling but not the empty feeling
ANSWER: Let her go. First rule of thumb is, if they want to break up than they are just not that into you!
It sounds like she is not ready for a relationship right now. Trust me when I say that if she loved you she would not even be thinking about leaving you. Tell her that you are not playing games anymore and that she needs to either be committed to this relationship or it over.
If you try and keep her when she is not really wanting to be with you, you will end up hurt.
Hope this helps and write me back anytime.
Sam

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Now it was come it light that she has been talking with the girl she had the emotional affiar with and lied to me about it.  She did not feel she should have to give this person up. Now I feel like one again I have been lied too and cheaped on in a way.  I feel I can not believe anything she says. She tells me it is hard for her to talk me during the day but she seems to find the time to call the other person, so of course that makes me feel like I come in 2nd or 3rd or not at all, I'm just taken advantage of cause I will be here. What do you think

Answer
Again, let her go. She is obviously not that into you so why hang on to her? Look at what I wrote you before. "You are going to get hurt", and here you are, hurt! Tell her good bye. The more time you waste on her is time taken away from the girl out there that does love you and does want to be with you!
~Sam