Expert: Sam E - 7/17/2007

Question
Sam,
I found out my partner has cheated on my twice in the past 12 weeks. Once 12 weeks ago, and the last time was on friday. between these occasions she has also kissed the same guy.

I am obviously devastated - my partner was\and still is everything to me. Since losing my sister sometime ago I have found it difficult being alone and having nobody to talk to.

I desperately need help to be strong and leave her. I want to forgive her -truly I do but I think that would be the wrong decision (Your thoughts?). I need help to be strong and deal with the healing process.

Please help?

Answer
Remember that cheating usually means that the relationship is basically over and that she didn’t have the gall to tell you. Instead she lied to your face and put your life and health in jeopardy (AIDS is still around)! Never lose focus on what she did to you. That’s important. Right now you are in the shock stage. You are sad and confused. Anger will come next. This is why people should not stay in cheating relationships. They think they can forgive and move on but once the anger kicks in the fights, suspicion and hurt usually ruins the relationship.
You need to leave her.  I am never a fan of cheating but there are situations when you can move past it. I don’t see this as one of them. A drunken one night stand that she confessed to could be forgiven and worked on, but 2 times in 12 weeks? Bad! Cheating gets easier every time its done!
Would you really want someone like this back in your life?
You are worth so much more! Make her live with her choice to cheat. Cut off all contact. Let her go. You need time to think about this all and she needs to be out of the picture.  Go find support and love in your family and friends.
I promise that in time you will heal and when you are smiling and in love with a woman who truly loves you, you will thank yourself! Happiness will come again you just have to give it time!
Write me back anytime,
Sam