Expert: Don - 8/21/2007

Question
I'm 27 He's 30 been together 8 yrs married 6years.  Seven weeks ago I got a text off my husband saying he wasn't coming home, I didn't think too much he had told me he was going for a drink with his bro. The next day he came home and told me he didn't know if he loved me? I told him to go away and decide and let me know? (what else could I say?) any way he came home later told me he was sorry he did love me and can I forgive him I said yes and we decided to get away so we packed( we have 3 children 6yr,3yr+1yr) The second night in he told me about the affair he had been having for a month, he says they were intimate twice. He has answered everything I've asked but he isn't making an effort to make me feel loved, I have told him? He has just gone back to normal I do everything Kids, house + work. (He works too he's a lorry driver) I feel like he doesn't want a wife he wants a mother! What do I do stay or leave? I was thinking a shock that he could lose me might work? He has no concept of what this has done to me! and everytime I bring it up he says 'oh this again' and gets grumpy with a can't be bothered attitude. I really need some advice!

Answer
I say leave him, even if you are only doing it as a scare tactic because he's taking advantage of you. First off he cheated on you and is acting like it's no big deal. Second he isn't giving you the love and respect that you deserve as his wife. And lastly he is indifferent to your feelings.

So if I were you I would leave him, either for real or at least pretend that I would leave him just to see if you could scare some sense into him.

Leaving him or pretending to will make him do one of two things which will let you know if this marriage is worth saving. If you tell him you're leaving him and he's actually happy about it, then he doesn't want to be with you anymore and your marriage is basically over.

But if you leave and it scares him into trying harder and actually caring about your feelings, then maybe the love is still there and the two of you can work it out and make your marriage better.

So you have to leave him or at least pretend to just to save your marriage.

I hope this helped and good luck.