Expert: Dear Shay - 9/10/2002

Question
Dear Shay

I cheated in my marriage and got caught. It eventually ended my marriage.

Now I'm constantly confronted with the classic question from the women I'm dating ... why did you get divorced? It has led me to a philisophical empass....

On the one hand I want to be open and honest about my past. "I screwed up. I learned. I hope you'd still like to go out." Of course, they seldom do.

On the other hand... and my friends are equally divided on this... there's the approach that says... "Why bother telling anyone about your past mistakes? It's done! You learned! It's not relevant anymore! Besides, why go through that with someone you don't really know, can't really trust, and who may not even be around in a month?"

What's the answer? Talk first? Never talk? Wait and try and broach the subject when something serious seems to be evolving?  

Answer
Its no doubt that it would send warning signs to a new person in your life. My suggestion is that you not give them that information about your previous marriage. They dont really need to know unless its something you feel you want to tell them. When you meet a special girl, most likely one day you may get into a discussion about your past, and its your decision to tell her. But,  not right off the bat. If someone asks you why you got divorced, just say "We just had some issues that we couldnt work through." And that is all that needs to be said. Good luck hun.