Expert: Drea Jean - 6/2/2006

Question
I admit, the next chain of events was my fault completely. I was scared. And sometime this past September I called it off. I couldn't do it. I wasn't ready for this. I know you're thinking that I'm a typical male who fears commitment, but hear me out.

I was scared because even though we had spent 4 wonderful years on the phone nightly, with semi-frequent visits, something felt wrong. I just couldn't trust her. Having been cheated on in the past, I admit that my personal fears came back to haunt me. But I didn't let it show. I realized that not trusting someone because of something that had happened with someone previously was just silly. Or was it?

In August of last year (prior to my calling it off), she had come to visit. She was in the process of cooking, and emailing her roomate and realized she had to run to the store to pick up some more vegatables. (Un)fortunately, I decided to read the email she was sending. Now at the time, she was living with a male roomate. She had a different male roomate when I first met her, so I never thought much of it. I understand that people are raised in different environments and as such feel differently towards certain situations. Having been raised somewhat prudish, I admit that I thought it was wrong for a single woman to be living with a single man, but I never said anything about it. Again, it would be silly of me to force my insecurities on someone else.

But back to the email...so she had emailed her (then) roomate to tell him how much she missed him, and how sexy he was, and how she couldn't wait to go back and hang out with him. Did I read into it too deep? Probably. Could it have been innocent? Possibly. But I let it bother me. So much so, that I have been checking her email account(s) since.

Answer
Okay John, I am going to go through these part by part, so I know what I need to, and have it right, okay?

So, you met her online, and things took off, moved from a sexual relationship into much more. You would visit alot, and things worked out so well, you wanted to get married. Right so far?

Now, Prt.2,

Did you read to deeply into the email? Possibly. They are friends, likley care alot about eachother, and it may have been totally innocent. But you know, as well as I do, part of the trust issue for you is going to be the distance between you two. And although checking the email may not have been the right thing to do, and you may have over stepped your bounds, I compltley understand why. I often tell people DONT go looking for something you may wish you hadn't found. You founf something that played on your mind for a long time.

Going to Part 3.