Expert: Sam E - 3/12/2007

Question
Hi there. Well, a few weeks ago I started seeing a new guy. He is attentive, interesting and interested, the physical side of things is fab and it's really going well. Apart from one niggly thing... right from day one, the first date, he has behaved in a really odd way with his cellphone. Quite obsessed with always checking it. At first I thought it was because he wasn't wearing a watch and was checking the time. The first time he stayed over at my place, I caught him texting someone after I came back from the bathroom, but I put my uneasy feeling to the back of my mind. The next time he stayed over he took his cellphone into the bathroom with him while he showered. Now I thought that was very strange. Especially as this was 5.30 am and he was getting ready for an early shift at work. On other occasions I have heard his phone beep when a text message has come in and he has checked the message, smiled and chuckled to himself and said nothing. While he was sleeping I checked his texts for that day and there was no record of anything, so he must have deleted it. The same thing happened earlier today and he almost had a panic attack when he realised he had left his phone on my coffee table while showering, shouting downstairs "where are you??". A text had come in, again, when I checked for it later, it had been deleted. No trace. It's fairly obvious he is hiding something from me, do you think he is cheating. He has a lot of messages saved in his Inbox from girls he must have met back in January and last year, but I can't find anything to suggest he is cheating. I know I shouldn't be looking but I smell a rat. Also on another occasion his phone rang several times and he wouldn't pick it up, even though I said I didn't mind. Ok, we were lazing in bed at the time, but my suspicions were aroused. What do you think I shold do???

Answer
In a relationship trust is very important. If your instincts are telling you something is going on chances are there is something going on.
The thing is, you should not have to play the PI and he should not be hiding things. True love moves mountains, it doesn’t hide behind them.
I suggest you sit down and have a nice long chat with him. Tell him that you understand that is privacy is important and you respect that, however, his behavior is making you very suspicious. Let him know that you think he is up to something. Tell him if he wants to be with you than he has to be honest. Cheating is not allowed and its not fair to you. Tell him you are giving him the opportunity to explain what is going on and giving him the option of leaving the relationship with a clean break. Than let him talk. Don’t interrupt or get out of control no matter what he says!
If after this conversion you have anymore questions, concerns or just to  update me write me back!
Sam