Expert: Don - 11/30/2007

Question
Hi,
I'm going to admit right off the bat,that I'm bitter over my current situation and it caused me to do something out of pure revenge.I know that's not very nice of me,but it made me feel better on so many levels.So anyway,my situation is this,my husband and I have been together for 4 years and have a 2year old child.There was always rumors of him cheating,but nothing that I was able to really prove until this past June where I acted on a gut instinct and hacked his email account.After confronting him,he admitted to certain things.At that point I left him.That was June.He has strung me along off and on wanting me back then changing his mind,also waiting until I was seeing someone else to beg for me to come back.Finally in October,I agreed to him and we were seeing eachother and working on our marriage or so I thought.I found out after a month of things going rather well,that he was seeing another girl behind my back for the last two weeks of that month and had slept with her finally a few days before I found out about her.I was devastated once again and he refused to choose between the two of us.It made me sad,but at the same time,after this emotional rollercoaster its gotten to a point where I'm done fighting and chasing something that doesn't want to be caught.After the other girl found out about me we talked online and she apologized repeatedly saying she didn't know we were together and how she was done with him.We talked for the next few days until I found out she was still pursuing him.At that point I lost it a bit on her.First I nicely begged her to leave my family alone and let us fix our marriage for us and the sake of our daughter.And then it went from nicely begging to me  screaming disgusting obsenities into the phone when she called his apartment and I was there.I even wrote her and lied and said we slept together because she told me if she were to give him another chance,"it would never happen again".He has her as brainwashed as he did me at one point and she refused to believe it.He lied to me since the beginning of november saying they still talked but they weren't seeing eachother.I found that out last week when he finally admitted they were.We were no longer seeing eachother,I stopped that when I had first found out about her,but I still didn't like being lied to.I took all my hurt and my anger and turned into a plan of revenge against this girl and him.I honestly don't care how crazy I sound at the moment,I feel anyone who knows about a family and doesn't care is kind of a disgusting human being and deserves what they might get.This brings us to this week.I started flirting with my ex and got him to flirt back.I even have a bunch of innapropriate text messages that went back and forth between us saved on my phone.Then last night I decided to sleep with him,for no other reason but to ruin his current relationship.Again,not very nice of me,but I knew I could get him to cheat on her and honestly,he started flirting first so I just said the right things to get him.He even joked about what a scumbag he is and how she has no clue and would never suspect us while we were together last night.My dilemma now is getting her to believe me that it happened.I know him well enough to know she is believing everything he says to her,because I was her once.She is young and needy and as the diagnosed sociopath that he is, she is the perfect victim for his need for control and I think when I finally stopped falling for it all is when he moved on.I had gotten a lot stronger without him.So anyway,back to my problem.I want her to know that it happened,but I'm at a loss for figuring out how to prove it to her.Like I said I have all the texts from him saved but if I forward them to her,they won't say who they are from and they are easily forged.She has blocked me on AIM since I had gone off on her on the phone that one time and I'm pretty sure myspace as well.We have a mutual friend,the same friend who originally told her about me,but he has proven to be a liar recently regarding other things and my ex has convinced her not to believe anything he says now.Everyone heals in different ways,revenge might not be the best for everyone,but there is so much more that he put me though that I didn't even share today and this is my way of getting closure.The fact that I no longer need him and have come to terms with the fact that my marriage with him will never be fixed,is a huge step for me,even if revenge seems pointless and hurtful to others.I just want him to lose her now as well.He's caused me to lose a tremendous amount in the past 4 years and I feel its his turn.She may not believe me even with a ton of proof because he is honestly that good of a liar, but being in her shoes before,it will gnaw away at the back of mind for a very long time and cause constant insecurity and sickening feeling in the pit of her stomache and I'm happy with that.So how do I prove it to her?

Answer
Other than telling her you have no other way of proving it, I mean sure you could show her the texts but she has no idea where they are coming from, so unless you can convince her to hide in your closet while you have sex with your ex or unless you can video tape you and your ex having sex and show it to her, she's not going to believe you.

What you need to do is stop worrying about him and her, you tried to warn her and she didn't listen, she'll learn on her own eventually just like you do. You focus should be on your child and moving on with your life and not harassing your ex and his new girlfriend.

You tried to warn her she didn't listen just go on with your own life and stay out of theirs.