Expert: Sam E - 12/8/2006

Question
I keep having reocurring dreams that my fiance' is cheating on me. Last night I dreamt that I was looking at my phone and found some video clips of OTHER girls on my phone. (Cheerleaders bending over,etc)---football was on while i was sleeping---in the dream...Somehow I got him to confess that he had previously slept with multiple women and so I left him and everything. Me and my brother got what I needed and moved back to my home town. I told my family what he had done and found myself happy that I was were I use to be(single and with my family alone). I know he wouldn't do that but today I went in and found an Evanescence video downloaded. I know that he could have just downloaded the song but he has the VIDEO!!! He was ALONE in the computer room all day, would not come out and see me, and got mad and would not touch the computer while I was in there. He has never given me any reason to not trust him but my insecurities and dreams are driving me insane!!! Please tell me it means totally opposite of what I think! Please...

Answer
These dreams sound like they are insecurities that you have. The good thing is that your sub-conscience is playing out these insecurities and solving them.
Make sure you understand these dreams are not real and that he is not cheating. If you find yourself getting mad at him or starting to analyze everything he says or does, you may be getting into trouble.
When you find yourself thinking about this, STOP!  Refocus.  If you stop it at the first thought it will never grow into action. This action is getting mad, or checking around to see if he is cheating and even dreaming about it all the time.
You may have to refocus a hundred times a day at first, but after awhile it will lessen and before you know it, it will not be in your mind again.
Most importantly, you need to work on your self-esteem. Working out is great because it builds self esteem and reduces depression and stress. Going back to school or volunteering somewhere are also some ideas. The point is to start doing things that make you feel better.
Hope this helps you!
Sam