Expert: Bruce D. Frank - 11/12/2007

Question
I have been married since 1994. I have been faithful but she hasn't. I found out that she met multiple guys on the net and then she went out of state to spend the weekend with one of them. We separated for several months and she came back and after a few months she is doing it again. She told me that if I caught her again that she would take our 12 year old son and leave again. Well, I got on the computer and learned that she is getting ready to meet a new boyfriend that she has been speaking to on the phone frequently. I don't want her to leave, but I do have a backbone and hate to see our family broken apart because she is unfaithful. What should I do now?

Thank you for any support or advice that you are willing to share.

Answer
She will continue to cheat until you let her know that you will no longer tolerate her behavior.  She is doing it because she is missing something in her emotional life.  She knows she is wrong, but she does not know how to resolve her issues in a mature manner.  The risk, of course is that she may take your son away.  What I have seen is that most women who have issues like hers do not realize what they have until they lose it.  Meaning, she may want to go away, but most of the guys that she is with will have no interest in taking care of her and a preteen child.  Hopefully she will come to her senses.  Maybe you can help her understand how good she currently has it.  Again, the main thing that you have to remember is that she is emotionally unhappy.  If you do love her, you have to make it clear.  Good Luck.