Expert: Drea Jean - 5/15/2006

Question
Hey yall, hope you can help a little.I'm 54, my bf 46.We've been 2gether off and on over 3 years.I have 2 teenage daughters from a previous marriage(just got a divorce a month ago, because my 'fiance' wanted to marry me so bad.lol)My marriage before was verbally abusive, but he would only yell about money issues, he was a good provider and not a cheat.
My bf..fiance..who knows wat he is...has lied constantly to me. I actually don't believe a single word that he says. I lived in Fl. when we met on the net, he moved from Colorado to be with me, I drove him everywhere, found him a place to live, took him out to eat, we were a couple, UNTIL I found out that he had moved "Mary' , another woman he had met on the net in with him. He was going out with me and going home at night sleeping with HER!I never knew this until the kids and I heard him talking on his cell saying 'I love you Baby'. My daughter says 'who's that?' And he says 'a friend that her mom is dying and I feel sorry for her'.Well, after a few ultimatums, he got rid of Mary. I found out later he was still emailing and talking to women on the Internet, promising marriage to them all.He wanted to marry everyone and it was me and my kids feeding him and being his family.He actually moved in with me and my husband and lived there without paying any rent or nuthin for 6 months.Then we got our own place, which fell apart after a week because he went out of town for work and I found out that he was text msg. another woman wanting to move her to Fl. and he was 'engaged' to her. Meanwhile I had a diamond ring from him.He would contact ex gf's and say that me and my girls were 'psycho'.And his mother and him decided I was bi polar because after his fooling around with these internet women, I wouldn't let him come over to my apt. for Christmas. DUH? Who needs the drama on Christmas Day?Well, anyways, sorry, I'm trying to cut it short...my sh!!ty life!I took him back and one day he callsme at work and says' I want to temporarily call off our engagement'. I was shocked. He wanted the ring back. We said our goodbyes, the kids and I were crying. He sure picked a rotten night, the kids were supposed to pick up their new schedules for school and it was a big night for them. But, he left to be with a woman he met at work, much older than me. It lasted 2 days. He was calling me begging to come home. This happened 2 more times. I was a mess. I would stand at my work station and the tears would flow. Customers would show more concern than he ever did. I know now that I should have never taken him back. After he came back the third time, I moved to TX to get him away from her(since he couldn't tell me that he'd EVER leave her alone), sold our stuff, quit my job, loaded up the Kia with 2 kids and 6 pets and took off. Things were good for awhile. I started trusting him again with my cell. We left in Oct. He called HER Dec 11. I asked him about it, he called me a liar and said check with Cingular and you'll see I'm telling the truth. Well, I did and he wasn't. Then he blamed me by saying he called her and talked an hour, just to hear 'a friendly voice'. BS His 'family' was friendly, I took him to work early every morning, my child support paid his rent, my food stamps put the food in his belly.There was no fighting. The only fighting was after things like this. I left TX shortly after to try to start over, moved to NC (YES! NASCAR!),he came up by bus about 5 days after we left, found out he had already been back on the net promising marriage to a Russian woman, saying he lived 'in a house full of crazy people'.He loved her and wanted to bring her to the US.Also had email addresses in his pockets of other women. I was furious. I had just paid for his ticket to get him up here. I kicked his a$$ out, he ended up in the ER with chest pains,nothing wrong, but it sure worked to get him back in the house. He has called HER again from up here saying I'm a bytch and that coming with me was a mistake(this I learned from her, but she's bi polar, so who the heck knows?), he made arrangements to back with her, but never did.It just hurt like heck because he knows what buttons to push to hurt me.
I've took him to church, he swears on Bibles he's not lying, he's a changed man in Christ.I just don't understand whats going on here.I have an engagement ring in a pawn shop in Fl, one in TX and one under a newly paved road in NC.He wanted to marry me, I got the divorce, now he's not working because he says he has seizures and can't work. Hes faked seizures with me before and with the woman that he lived in Colorado with.I've kicked him out so many times because of some stupid sh!!t that he does. I had a 30 day heart monitor on , docs looking for atrial fibrillation.He starts a fight with me to get me stressed out after the doc says 'no stress of any kind'.Had an episode that had to be called in.He wants to sit here and sleep or watch TV or play video or computer games.He's gone to a therapist. She says he passive aggressive and a manipulator.He 's at the shelter now. This is how he hurts me. I went one day to pick him up for an appt. with his therapist and I drive up(we're already 10 mins late), he's talking to a woman from the shelter, he totally ignores me.Glances my way, then back to her, like 'look at me, I can talk to whoever I want'. Then he makes a big deal out of it, getting in the car saying, 'shes a staff member and I told her you were my ride'. MY RIDE? How about Debbie or my fiance? He makes me feel like crap, every day that I've known him. He wants my passwords and if I change them he'll accuse me of hiding something. There is No Trust between us. He says he wants to marry me, but doesn't have the money. He can't work, HE SAYS, because of the seizures, he actually told me that he had 2 seizures while he was home here, but he had them in the bathroom so I wouldn't worry. Thats a new one. didn't know you could plan a seizure like that.So anyways,the kids and I are home alone, my girls b-days are here and my oldest graduates tomorrow. This guy so wanted to marry me that he actually hides from my X because he's afraid he'll stop paying 'his' rent if he knew he was here.The therapist says he has the 'seizures' for pity, so I pay more attention to him. I never get attention. Last yr for my bday, he colored me a card. This yr he wouldnt have gotten me nuthin but I complained and he got me a 94 cent card and some door decoration that he took from someones door. My kids hate him, because they've seen the hurt. Plz help. Like my daughter says'he's making my brain hurt'.  
   
survivor1 Posted: May 11 2006, 09:22 AM  

Answer
Hi Deb,

You need to get him out of your house, and your life, NOW! Everything his therapist says is true. He is a liar, a munipulator, he is not playing with a full deck AT ALL. He is no good for you, he is damaging your life, AND the lives of your daughters. It is a bad example to set for them. He doesn't love you, he doesn't care about you, your children, or what happens to you. Get out, get away. Pack up and move and don't tell him. This is a TERRIBLE situation, and it needs to end right now.

Good Luck,

Drea Jean