Expert: Sam E - 5/18/2007

Question
Hi there Sam, my name is J.  I have been with my boyfriend for about a year now, and we have just moved in together about 2 months ago.  He is the type of man who "never has anything to hide"...he's a cocky, sometimes shallow, but very loving boyfriend.  Does everything in the world for me, but sometimes I am not sure if he is truly genuine.  Or if it may be too good to be true.  Well, he actually hasn't had a girlfriend for like 10 years until me....guess you could call him "Mr. Casanova"...dated a lot of women before me.  He is a carpenter and sometimes does work on the side for friends, etc.  Well, he was working on some stairs for a woman he used to sleep with, "before me", "i think", about 3 months ago before we moved in together, and swears he didn't sleep with her during that time.....OK-----the reason why I am suspicious, is that I found a number in his phone called "G" with no name next to it.....I found out that it was this same woman, and he lied to be about who the number was......even gave me a story about how it was his other friends number...long story short, he lied to me about a few things, when I gave him several opps to come clean.......I know for a fact that he called her one evening, but he says he didn't actually talked to her, that he was responding to a text message asking about how he was doing.  I have a really bad feeling that he is still not being honest with me, but have no proof.........but a few lies.  well, I confronted him about all of the above, and told him I knew who the number was, knew that he called her, and knew that he lied............he didn't have much too say, but "what do you want to do?".......says doesn't want to break up, and that he knows it looks really bad, but that he hasn't cheated on me.......said he was sorry and I believed him.  Made a big deal of it trying to give him a wake up call but really don't know the truth.  Oh, and now that I recognize another number, it's her too.  What should I do??????  PS--I never looked in his phone but once...and here ya go!  I don't want a relationship like that.......help!!!  How do I know the truth?  How do I make him realize what he has now is good....and really realize my worth?  Or, should I wait a while and see what happens?  And, he says he doesn't know what he wants in regards to a future long-term,etc.........is he avoiding true commitment??  If he really loved me, would he know what he wants????  help--And he says, "what, I can't have friends anymore"....is that a sign??  

Answer
First thing is to find out why he is calling her? Why does he need to talk with her and hide it? This is an ex he use to sleep with and that’s pretty suspicious!
Secondly, if he loves you he love you. You should not have to jump through hoops to keep him with you. If he can’t see what a wonderful girl you are, than he isn’t worth keeping. You see, men who
truly love you, love you! You don’t have to say or do a thing! If you feel like you have to be someone your not or act a ceratin why to keep him, he is not worth keeping.
Love and respect is what keeps people from cheating. You can’t control his behavior. Only he can and if he choices to cheat you can either move on or forgive. The point is, you can’t stop it.
From what you tell me, he doesn’t sound worth the time you are pitting into this. When a guy wants to be with you, he’ll do it. He wont drag his feet and be vague about the future.
I suggest you don’t put to much into this relationship anymore. You need to hang low and see what he is all about. Keep your eyes and ears open too because I think he might be on the prowl.
Write me anytime!
Sam