Expert: Bruce D. Frank - 11/24/2007

Question
ok...I live with my sons father. We have a 1 year old son...my 7 year daughter and his 10 year old son. Things been hard because he cheated in the past and of course I forgave him. He moved in this past July and he told me that he wouldn't cheat if he live with a woman. well since he cheated on me before i became suspicious and I begun to go through his e-mail..he found out and he was pissed and our relationship went down the tube. It's gotten better but i still feel that he's messing with his ex. Well I snooped again and found out that he is..last time i didn't. I cant approach him with this because i told him I'm not going to go through his personal mails again but i couldn't help myself..then i found out he lied about his best friend new girlfriend..its his ex best friend! His ex called me numerous times in the past and i always felt like the joke been on me. Especially since his best friend new girlfriend been to my house a few times and no one told me anything of course. I'm not from here and i want to move back home but there is no jobs out there. I want to move out but its no where for me to go. I have been faithful to him for 3 years and its been a waste. He always lie. I try to keep peace in the house for the kids by not nagging about cheating. i make myself believe that I'm his only woman but I know I'm not..we are not married so I know I can leave but I just want to be loved honestly by a good man or at least be by myself what should I do?

Answer
Everyone wants love.  That is why he cheats.  His mind and emotions tell him that he is being loved when he has sex with, and receives attention from other women.  If you are willing to deal with his infidelity then you can try to stay.  If not, you need to find a way to leave.  You may have to be on your own for a while but in the long run it may be better for you and your children.  He will not stop cheating until he feels emotionally stable.  That will not happen until he is willing to face his issues and stop.  You can not control his actions.  You can only work on yourself.   Good Luck.