Expert: Sam E - 12/27/2006

Question
i do agree that i should steer clear of the situation that was the advise i was afraid to hear but new.  do you agree that i should somehow let her know of his cheating or just walk away from the situation completely?
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The text above is a follow-up to ...

-----Question-----
i have come to have strong feelings for my best friends girlfriend.  i have expressed my feelings to her and she has responded that she has feeling for me also.  i have not let the situation go as far as sex because i feel that would be wrong while she is in a relationship with my best friend.  my best friend has been cheating on her for sometime now and i feel i should let her know this.  this situation is becoming more complex and difficult as time goes by.  how or should i tell her about his cheating.

thank you
jeff
-----Answer-----
Yes you are caught in a web here.
There are a couple of things to think about.
The first is the rule of thumb that says a man never dates, or has sex with his friends ex (or current lover).
Secondly, even if they were to part on good terms (she never knew he was cheating) would he be okay with you dating her? Would you be willing to give up your friendship with him?
Now if you told her he was cheating, I’m sure it will come back that you told her and there will be a whole lot of explaining to do, not to mention a loss of a best friend.
Who’s to say that she will even leave him or if she does, she will be with you? Ever heard the saying, don’t kill the messenger? She may end up very angry at you as well. I have seen it 100 times. So you would lose a friend and the girl all at once.
Why doesn’t he leave her or why doesn’t she leave him? It seems to me that if they are not in love they should part. Has she or he told you why they are still a couple?
It sounds like a giant mess of confusion and lies and your best bet to come out on top is to steer clear of it.
Let her know you like her a lot but until she is separated from him you can’t go there.
However, I do believe she should know he is cheating but it can’t come from you, at all!
You need to find a way to let her know without it coming back on you.
There are a few things you can do.
1. If you have her email address, make up a yahoo account.  If she is on myspace make up a fake profile. Be an anonymous  girl and email her.
Tell her that your friend is sleeping with (his name) and that you felt she should know. Tell her that you just found out he had a girlfriend and you have to tell her but don't want to be caught in the middle.
Give her as much details  as you can. Just make sure that you don’t tell her anything that only you would know.  
Try your best to “sound” like a girl. If you need help let me know and I’ll help you write one. You don’t want anybody else to know. Keep this to yourself. After you do this, erase the history on your PC.
2. You can call one of her best friends under private and disguise your voice. Give a fake name and tell her that
(her name) boyfriend is cheating with (her name) and give some prove or places they go so they can be caught than hang up.
3. If you have a sister or a very close person that you know will never tell a soul, have that person call this girl directly (or even talk face to face with her)and tell her everything that her boyfriend is doing.
These are only a few things that I have thought of. There are a million other things that you can do, just make certain that your name or involvement in any of this NEVER comes up.
Now if you feel that she will not be angry at you and you are willing to risk losing him as a best friend and possibly causing violence towards you, you can tell her yourself.
Be very careful.
I hope this helps and write back anytime!
Sam

Answer
I think she should know. Nobody wants to be in the dark about stuff like that. Every time he cheats he puts her life at risk (AIDS is still here). Plus it really hurts when you find out that other people knew about it and never said a word.
Again I don’t think you should tell her unless you are ready to end the friendship. Find another way of letting her know.
Write me back if you have anymore questions or concerns
Sam