Expert: Bruce D. Frank - 9/25/2007

Question
I just found out my bf of more than 3 years cheated on me.right now i just feel angry and hurt by what he did.i havent decided whether to end this r/ship or not as we havent confronted this yet since im out of town. my first impulse was to end it as i really cant stand cheaters, but we shared our lives for more than 3 years, that should mean something? its the hardest thing to do as i love him and trusted him, and he already spoke to my parents about our marriage recently.
before he met me, he didnt believe in commitment.his thinking was more like a swinger.but after we got to know each other, he changed.and i know he did until now. our r/ship been wonderful, hes very supportive and loving,thats why its so difficult to accept that he did this to me.
since few months back, he started to join various dating sites and made effort to meet females for fun.i just found out about all that.i want to end this, but i just want to know if i should give him another chance as this is the first time he did this. he has asked for forgiveness and seems really serious about it.

Answer
Your bf cheated on you because there is some type of lack of fulfillment in his life.  People don't necessarily cheat because of the sex.  It is usually because they are in need of acceptance, approval, certainty, or control which is ultimately... love.  this is not to say that you don't love him.  Or, that you don't show him that you care.  The problem is in his head.  Is it worth giving him another chance; maybe... maybe not.  The decision is yours.  You have to know whether or not you can live with a cheater.  It should mean something that you two have been together for over three years, but it may mean nothing to him emotionally.  He may even marry you.  But you have to know for sure that he is done.  The other problem that you have to consider is whether or not this is truly his first and only time cheating.  It could be, but cheating is usually shrouded with lies.  The only way to know is to ask him directly.  You can forgive and have a wonderful life together.  But although you may forgive, you must know that it is difficult if not impossible to forget.  You have a lot of hard decisions to make.  Good Luck.