Expert: Sam E - 2/21/2007

Question
My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 5 years. He was my first everything and I love him with all my heart. He never gave me a reason to doubt him. He always told me how he could NEVER cheat on anyone and how he wouldn't tolerate it either. I believed him and trusted him. Then, last month he broke up with me. I was totally shocked and heartbroken because I couldn't understand why. We have had such an amazing relationship and we always dotted on each other. He told me that he needed to figure some things out, but couldn't give me a clear answer. A month or so later I saw a few incriminating text messages from a girl that lived out of state. I didn't want to act all psycho but I wanted to know the truth. When I asked him, his face turned pale and couldn't look me in the eyes. He told me that he met her a month before he broke up with me while on a trip and that they kissed a few times (nothing else). I WAS DEVASTATED!!! He told me that he was truly sorry and that he broke up with me because he felt guilty being with me after what he did. I still love him with all my heart and want to be with him. I am willing to forgive him and try to work things out. But I am not sure if that's the right thing to do.  

Answer
People don’t break up with people they love and they don’t cheat on them! The fact is, he doesn’t love you the way you love him. I’m sure that it was more than kissing. Guy rule number one is, if your found out, claim a lesser charge!  You can’t trust what he says because he has been lying to you for sometime now. Why else would he leave you? I don’t believe what he is saying to you.
Your relationship was not as wonderful as you thought or he would not have been looking for other women, been with another woman or broke up with you!
I'm thinking he is wanting you back because it didnt work with this other women! Don't let him down play this! If he felt so bad and loved you so much this NEVER would have happened to start with!
The man you thought you knew does not exist. He is someone completely different than what you thought. Moving on becomes hard because you are still holding on to this counterfeit man. He has shown you who he truly is and it hurts and its shocking, but here it is! You have to realize that he is not the faithful man he claimed or you thought he was. Now the truth is out, except it so you can move on. Yes moving on is hard but staying will be harder in the end. You will always wonder if he is lying and cheating. Unless you  both can get help from a professional and he is 100% honest, it won't work.
Don't rush back to him. Give this time. If you jump back into this without time and without help, it will destroy you both!  
After time you may even decide that he's not worth it, or he may find someone new and you'll be saved the sorrow. Or, you both get the help you need and after a while you are back together healed and moving forward!
Write me anytime!
Sam