Expert: Sam E - 4/3/2007

Question
When my boyfriend and i first got together a year and 1/2 ago, things were great. But when he joined the army i found out he lied about ever having move out of his parents house he said "he was trying to impress me" i guess by sounding mature. I asked him if that was all the lies, and he said yes. But when he left again he asked me to clean out his room and i found all these notes about how he used to cheat on girls, and lie to girls and how he's slept w/many more people than he told me. When i confronted him with it i broke up with him and he came home, begged me to stay with him and told me all the truth (things i didn't know, and some things i did, but he had now idea that i already knew them.) But then he went to visit an ex-g/f. After that things got great. We moved in together, and we have been great for over a year now. We have our normal couple issues, but nothing big. But i was still having trouble trustin him. We just recently moved into a house with two of my friends, and i felt like he had a thing for our girl roomate. When i asked him he denied it and got made at me, and same when i confronted her. But the next day she came to me saying that they had been joking around and making sexual comments to each other, and that he had been telling me that he wasn't sure if he wanted to be with me. I immediately broke up with him, and he told me, he wished we could work it out, he admitted to everything, and told me his side of the story. (which tied it right.) And said he had a little crush on her because he felt like he couldn't talk to me the way he could talk to her, because i always got mad. Which is true, because since the first lies i've been a bit controling, because im worrie he's lying to me all the time. Right now we're working things out. I love him more than anything and they BOTH told me that they didn't actually DO anything, but talk. But im worried that he wont be faithful to me in the future. He told me he now realize how important i am and to appreciate me, because he never wants to lose me. But im scared. Can i really trust him???  

Answer
It sounds like he has a lot of issues with honesty and faithfulness. I don’t know if you should trust him. He has lied about so many things. This is one of those situations where you have to really think about what you want. Do you want to be a with a man who consistently lies and that you can’t trust?
I get the impression that he is a liar and that unless he gets serious professional help, he will always be one. His track record with women is not good and you broke up more than once. Those are bad signs of what’s to come. I can tell you that most couples that do this usually don’t last. This a huge risk and I suggest you don’t take it. It will would be better to move on now than to make a other go again and be hurt over and over again.
Sam