Expert: Bruce D. Frank - 9/19/2007

Question
My gf and I got drunk the other night... we both open up and say more than we do when sober. Enter: confession time. She confesses to having sexual relations with her little brother. I asked her about it, she explained - both of us were pretty drunk - told me about how he's always so lonely and she wants him to be happy so she pleases him (masturbates him, gives him oral pleasure). I asked what he does with her, she said she just lets him do whatever he wants to her, she "just wants him to be happy".

I confronted her about this the next day. She was a little hung over so already wasn't in the best of moods. She denied it. I said that people open up and share more when drunk. She said I just have to trust that what she's saying right there (the next day) was true. I said how do I know if I should trust the drunk self (more likely to be honest) or the sober self (likely to deny it)? Her behavior, the whole time, was much like, "I'm busted" and the brother-sister secret was no longer a secret. She even told me - the previous night, when we were both drunk - that her brother and her sister have also had sexual relations but she (my gf) never asks or gets involved in it and she said she "just lets them do their own thing".

I told her, "ok I'll trust your 'sober' self."

Honestly though, I don't know if I should.

Likewise, I don't know what to do about the whole thing.

What do you think?

Thanks,
gabe

Answer
This is a horrible situation.  I do not believe the sober self in this case.  Alcohol only releases inhibitions, it does not make people hallucinate.  I do not know the ages of these people.  But, if you are dealing with minors, you must report these acts to the proper authorities.  In any case, incest is never acceptable.  And, I am sure this is not the first time these things have happened.  It sounds like a family wide problem.  Siblings do not love each other like that.  That is not love, that is abuse.  It has to go deeper than what she told you.  If you love this person, you must tell her to never do those things again, and to seek professional help for herself and her siblings.  You must also consider the fact of if you want to continue to be in the situation yourself.