Expert: Don - 9/24/2007

Question
I am too old to be in this situation.  I have been with a guy for two years. I can never pin him down on anything because he is too slick. He turns everything around on me.

We met on a dating site.  We dated some. I didn't delete my dating site profile at first.  Cause most first dates don't go beyond the first date.

He still holds this against me like I cheated on him. He stated that I should have deleted it before going on first date with him.

Then he ducked out of seeing me nights and weekends.  And, this has been the pattern since.  He has every excuse in the book. He says he lost track of time (all weekend), or he fell asleep. Or he had to clean his house (all weekend) (he only cleaned a two foot section and he started yelling about how much time it took to clean that)

Most insulting is that he calls Monday morning asking to run errands with me after he had ducked out all weekend. I question his whereabouts on weekend and he gets defensive and turns it around on me.

Also, I have noticed something.  His voice is different on phone depending on what he wants.

If he wants something from me then he has a smile in his voice. I call it the charmer voice.

If he just wants to chat on phone then he does that funny Jerry Lewis high-pitched voice as he says hello-00 ?. I call it the disarming voice.

If he knows I'm done with him then he talks in a low pitched voice and says hello in a hesitant way. I call it the humble voice that wants to get back in my good graces.  But once I forgive him, he goes back to the charmer voice which wants something.

He blames me for all the problems of our relationship.  

All ever I asked for was his companionship for a campfire and cookout and after three summers together this only happened a few times. I wanted to go fishing and swimming. That happened once. He said he would be kissing my ass if he gives me what I want.

I broke it off with him at least a hundred times.  He doesn't listen to this. He says I'm being crabby.  He pops over at my house when I'm done with him, yet not when I wanted to see him.  I think he wants to hold me hostage while he does what he pleases.

I think he is the cheater here even though he swears that I am it.

I would have given him everything I can offer, but how can I do that when he blows me off...except for Monday morning.

What do you think?  

Answer
Honestly, and please don't think I'm being mean or rude to you, but you would have to be a fool to continue to stay with this man.

What on earth makes you want to stay with this guy? He treats you like trash, he sees you only when he wants something from you. He doesn't want to do anything that you want to do and he lies to you about what he is doing or where he is. So seriously why do you bother to stay and why would you put up with this for two years.

Stop letting this guy treat you like trash, if you have to go back to that dating site and find some other guy, but you'd be better off alone than with somebody who doesn't respect you or treat you nice.

Dump this loser ASAP, and make it stick, if he pops up at your house after the fact, don't let him in. If he refuses to leave, call the police on him, but whatever you do have some self-respect and don't continue to allow this man to treat you the way that he has been treating you. Nobody deserves that.

I hope this helped and good luck.