Expert: Danyelle - 11/2/2000

Question
I am wanting to cheat on my wife and I`m having a hard time figuring out how to do it.

I am 44 years old.  She is 29 years old.  We have a three year old son.

I love my wife and my son very much and I don`t want to hurt them.  But my wife has absolutely no interest in sex.  None, zip, zilch, nada. It`s driving me crazy. I got lucky once and that`s how we got our son.  

I would like to have a relationship with another woman that is purely for mutual pleasure.  But I can`t figure out how to do it.

I work all day and my schedule at work is somewhat flexible, but my wife knows where I am at all other times.  Not a minute goes by that she doesn`t have my whereabouts accounted for.

She is a stay-at-home mom and she handles all the money for the house.  I never have any more than a couple of bucks in my pocket at any time.  I can`t carry a checkbook unless she specifically knows what I`m going to buy.  In short, she controls everything.

I have tried to meet other women, but they are never interested in just sex.  If they were, I`d have to pay for it, and I have no way of doing that.  And it seems that women generally don`t
have sexual desires like men do.  So the laws of supply and demand aren`t in my favor.

Leaving her is out of the question because of my son.  She refuses to get counseling, suggesting that I`m the one with a problem.

What are some ways that I can establish a pleasurable physical relationship with another woman under such circumstances?  

Answer
Hello Joe. I think you may be jumping ahead of yourself. I know that is an odd way to start but I had to get that out. Before looking elsewhere tell your wife how you feel about her having no sex drive. Have you tried romancing her? A lot of women need some coaxing in order to have sex. I'm 18 and from what you have said about her I am scared to become 29. Her controlling everything may lead to insecurites on her part. She may be afraid you will leave her or she may be very self conscious. Should that be the case then you need to teach her that she is a beautiful, sexy, and worthwhile woman. I love sex and could never dream of giving it up but sometimes my insecurities prevent me from fully enjoying it. Once she knows that you want her, and I mean passionately want her, she might come around. As for cheating, it does seem like you are in a very difficult position. You could go out on a business lunch or dinner or out with some friends. These are the only ways I can think of that could get you away from her watch. Paying for sex is not a good idea! I still strongly recommend talking to your wife. She may not be aware of what she is doing, or in her case not doing. You said you didn't want to hurt your wife and your son, cheating will definately hurt them. <~If you get caught. I know this will sound corny, but plan a weekend get a way with just the two of you. Get a baby sitter and take your wife out. Get away from the normal situation. Take her out to a nice dinner. She is a stay at home wife so maybe a change of scenery would be good for her. Maybe, with luck you'll be able to get her to open up and (excuse that way I say this) spread her legs. You never know she might be a sex-fiend. She just needs some encouragement. I hope my advice has been helpful. Good luck!!